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Had a follow up meeting with the Child Study Team for DD14 who was placed on homebound instruction until the relevant evaluations were conducted, and they approved her for an IEP and contuination of the Homebound instruction.  I'm very relieved about this. For one I heard it was not easy to get approved when it's something other than academic issues, and also, this helps alleviate some of the stress as far as getting DD to cooperate and go to school. They classified her as emotionally disturbed.

How does this work for you? Is this similar to a home school situation or is there an instructor that comes to the house? Does she cooperate with the school work being done at home?

How are you doing today? Are you able to get some respite for yourself?

qcr

She is on the verge of needing a tutor to come to the house as she keeps having trouble logging on to the computer. Yes it's computer based through the school.

I'm ok. I have some added stress though because my mom, who is on hospice but is somewhat mobile, just moved in with us. So I'm trying to acclimated and a routine set. But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger right?

It's great that you got your IEP.  I don't think that would work here.  I'd be so worried about dd being too isolated.  Not to mention the daily arguments for her to get her work done.

Is your dd generally compliant with her school work?  Are you comfortable with her being home all the time?

-crazed

No and No. But I have no other choice at this point. Other than a tutor coming to the house to actually make her do her work. I missed too much work last year because I had to keep leaving to pick her up from school due to her behavior. At this point I'm trying to protect myself and other family members.

How is your D held acccountable for her studies by the homebound instruction system? It is hard to let go of our desires for our kids to succeed in their education and accept that it really up to them. Also to remind self that there will be opportunities in the future for her to get education.

How can you validate her struggle to do the work, and encourage her to do her best each day? Then let go of her performance.

qcr

So far she isn't held accountable by the homebound instruction team. Yet. But she's going to be by me when I bring in a tutor to come to the house to teach her instead of relying on her to do it online. She doesn't like that idea. But she's been warned and continues she do as she pleases which is not putting in the required 2 hours per day. She doesn't realize how lucky she is that they were agreeable to her doing this program.


I tell her to do her best. But I can't help getting frusterated when I know she can do better. She is just lazy. I have a hard time with that. But I'm trying my best to be more accepting in that respect. By now she should have o ver 50 hours put in, yet only has 25.

She is even further behind since she decied it was too cold to walk home the other day and stayed out all night (it was 50 degrees and she called me at 11PM to pick her up and I was already alseep.  I've told her before if she calls before 10 I will get her. Then last night, after being out all night the night before, she had the audactiy to call me at 9:30 asking to come get her. Not only did I tell her earlier in the day to get home to do her work, which she didn't, but she said I said if she called before10 I'd get her! I said if she would have not stayed out all night then ya, I would have. But if she thought it was too cold, she should have come home when I told her to. I didnt get her so her friend's mom dropped her off at 11:15. Daughter called me a bhit.  I'm very frusterated today in case you couldn't tell.

raytamtay3 - yes, it is so hard to be the calm, regulated mom. I have struggled a bit with that as the grandma the past couple days with my gd8. She wanted to start a glitter project at bedtime - I said no, time to get pj's on. When I went to check on her she had the paints, brushes, water etc spread all over my desk on top of my laptop and papers. (we share a space - her craft table is full of stuff). I kind of lost it - well really lost it. Had to ask dh to take over for a bit actually.

So the analogy here for your D14?  It feels like defiance, it tastes like manipulation, it looks like being taken advantage of -- and the hot button is pushed. For me, I lose touch with my ability to use all those wonderful thinking skills. Just like my gd's impulsivness interfered with her ability to use her thinking skills.

My mind gets all this -- my emotional place last night, well I just lost it. Yelled, grabbed her arm and put her in her room, slammed her door... .  I had some aplogogies to do and relationship repairs to make both last night and today.  I am the grownup here, and I am only human.

So, what part of this belongs to your D14 and what might belong to you?

Yes, you feel rightfully angry and frustrated when she called after 10pm and she chose to stay out instead of finding another way home (walking or ride from other parent). You stuck to you limit with her. Can you find acceptance that it was her choice to stay out all night or choose to walk home?

She needed to work on her homebound school assignments. Are there limits there at all - like not getting to go out until the work is done? How would trying to enforce that kind of limit look?

She goes out again and does call before 10pm for a ride home. You are still angry -- connecting previous night to current night. What did you need from her to be able to follow through on picking her up when she called? It is hard, yet often we have to accept that our kids do not apologize to us when they do not see the facts in the same perspective. What is emotional response here, and what is based on the facts of the situation?

What can be done to make this different the next time? How are you taking care of yourself? This helps so much to keep our cool when we are feeling so very very hot. Do you have someone you can talk this out with, maybe even do some role-playing?

Hope this is not taken as too harsh. My best hope is here for you and your D. I am trying to find ways to look forward to being the primay parent of gd8 when she hits that teen age -- oh it is coming too soon.

qcr