BPDFamily.com

More writings from her... .she is writing to "God" (to herself?) that her paramour, she didn't seek him  out, but was an answer to a prayer (yeah, from a horribly unhappy relationship with me!). Sure... .and she didn't open herself up to a roaming wolf-player either, did she?

That he knows You (God) so well (yeah, a liar, thief and player, great guy! he may know Somebody, but it ain't God).

That she knows she loves Turkish, but that she isn't ready to love Turkish in the same way that he loves her. Well, in that last part, there is a smidgeon of truth!

Sorry, not much to work with, just thought I'd throw it out.

Most of her quotes from writing and emails she thought she erased evidence of will likely go into my novel verbatim when I get around to writing it! Yeah, wrong, I know... .

Just more evidence that a relationship with a pwBPD is a no win situation. It is cruel that someone can give 110% to a relationship and tolerate unbearable abuse and still look like the cause of a failed relationship.  If it wasn't so sad it would be comical. Kick her out Turkish!

It's the kids... .I'm going to push her hard after Thanksgiving though. At that point, it will start costing me $$ more per month since I'll be on the hook, for CS (unofficially since she won't sign anything at this point) and half of daycare. I guess I like having money at this point, but reality is reality. I'll hold her to her conversation two weeks ago about her not waiting until January. We have a mutual family function this coming week, and I don't want to ruin their good will (again, due to the kids, I could care less about me, I can take care of myself). Then TG, after which I will take the kids away for the weekend to Second Thanksgiving with me and mine.  like most everything else, I think she is waiting for me to force the issue so she doesn't have to. At least she still asks for "permission" even if she just goes to the store.

Still, she was going to take D1 to the store on Sunday. Asked if she could instead of me taking her to church. I said sure, I just put her into "daycare" there for an hour anyway, no big miss for D1 though we do hang out and eat afterwards. An hour before, X changed her mind and helped D1 get ready. So I spent the morning with the kids into early afternoon while X went to the store to window shop... .meet her paramour, not sure (she has a habit about needing to unwind by herself--- the hermitess), but no matter to me as long as it isn;t in my face and at night when she should be home with our kids, whether or not I am there.

You can flame me in a few weeks if I don't do this... .

She is living the in-between. I know she fears the change, even though the twisted part of her desires it. She is high functioning enough to know what is coming for her emotionally. And she fears having to take care of the kids by herself more. I've been Mr. Mom for the past year... .though she isn't *that* bad, I've just had them more, like me still getting up an hour or two before her on weekends to take care of them while X tries to sleep in. Since she sleeps in the living room, they pounce around her anyway, so lying there with them bouncing around seems like a waste. I diaper change, cook breakfast, etc... .

Yes, please flame me if the situation hasn't changed in two weeks. I don't fear her gone, I just fear that her emotional dysregulation and depression will hit all of a sudden without me around. I will have to deal with it on some level due to the kids. Like you said, it's a no win situation with a BPD in our lives. Lucky for the new guy (kid)! heh heh ... .He'll be gone; she might try to recycle. Her family might even pressure me at that point. Cross that bridge when I get to it. I'm thinking too far ahead.

Ugh, you are too kind!  You deserve a good (normal) woman.

Oh, I have the whole exit speech in my head... .like what she sent me in an email over a month ago, telling me that a woman of character deserves a man of character and in that, I failed. Bwahaha! Really?

Sorry, everybody. I must be mirroring my X's immaturity. 40 something guy with two kids, I need to grow up (pulls down coattails roughly and snootily).

Oh Turkish.  This woman here.  She is really blessed beyond belief that you have tolerated her to the level you have with all she has done.

I do have to wonder how much of her writings are more calculated for you to read and see due to previous posts you have made.

A man of character huh?  As she sleeps on the couch with her kids playing around her after potentially hanging out with your replacement the day before?  Um, yeah.  Get out the white out lady - and rewrite, rewrite, rewrite!

Glad to hear you will be pushing forward with a plan to remove her from the house sooner rather than later.

I know what you mean about mirroring them.  :)ON'T FEEL BAD.  In my other post today I was venting my annoyance regarding what has transpired.  I started laughing to myself because after writing it, I had imagined myself driving up in his lawn, jumping out of my car, and screaming about all the injustice at the top of my lungs.  

Then, after successfully attaining "crazed psycho" status in desperate need of the mental ward and ripping him to shreds - I would simply pick up my broken heal that I had tried to throw through his window, smooth my hair down that was now flung about it in all directions, blot my makeup, gingerly step to my car - and back out with a smile and wave (to him and all his neighbors).  After all that I would obviously be feeling much better with a rush of relief -  so I would dial up a friend to do lunch.