BPDFamily.com

Well as most have you have read my threads this past 16mo, it has been a rocky ride.  Most recently, my BPD Ex dumped me, tried to friend me and when I resisted and wanted to know why she was dumping me, she went from telling me my friendship was "irreplaceable" to I am a self-absorbed biatch (real word) who used her and our entire relationship was ugly. She called me a bunch of names blocked my number and blocked me on FB.

I admit is was "ugly", but only because I could not rationally communicate with her (as seen in the aformentioned paragraph).

She is now dating my friend, ok "former" friend less than 2wks later. A woman much more injured than I am emotionally. I almost feel sorry for her as I know this is going to cause more emeshment and might even "break" this other woman completely.

Today, I felt I needed some serious closure for myself, on a good note. Even if my ex never receives this email (it goes to spam) I let her know I was ok with her decision.

I am not justifying her "crazy" actions, but I am taking the high road and getting on with my life.  I actually feel like a weight has been lifted. This is what I wrote:


Hi There,

I just wanted to take the opportunity to say I am sorry for the drama in our last exchange, I was truly reaching out in care, not with any intent to wound you further. I will always miss the fun we had, lots of good memories this year I won't forget. I had a lot of fun times with you and valued you in my life. I wasn't expecting you to end our relationship and of course, it hurt me deeply. I understand your need to be with someone else and I really hope you find what you are looking for. Whatever makes you happy, that I wish for you.

Earth Angel

I don't expect any response from her as I am painted blacker than black and I don't expect this to ignite a "recycle" or "re-engagement". I just feel better letting this out. At least I know, I ended it on a good note even if she never sees it that way.

Well here is the reply I received:

Earth Angel,

There is no reason for this email and contact to me besides to make yourself feel better and fabricate a reason of me leaving besides the way I was treated by you. My "need" is not to allow our"friendship/relationship" to continue; I believe I have made myself more than clear. I do not have the same memories of this "relationship" and I ask you to respect me and my choice not to continue allowing you in my life.

I have given you all my words and explanation of this matter and again repeat myself to ask you to respect me and my life choice to leave. I ask for your "taking of opportunities" to cease and be at peace.

-J

I am not surprised by the response. This is almost exactly what I received last break up only followed up by promise of a restraining order... .

she returned a month later.

Reading her words it is obvious when dealing with a BPD you cannot get closure you would get from most relationships. They keep wanting to hurt you, even when you are being sincere and take absolutely NO responsibility for the deterioration of the relationship.

I also find it interesting she actually responded since she blocked my number and FB.  Now I wish I didn't email as this could invite a future recycle I do not need.

I noticed today the dates of this break are exactly the same as the one in June... .down to the last contact. By my estimation I should be hearing from her around December 7th. God, I hope not. That's my annual holiday party!

Keep that in mind despite how she reacted. The intent was for you to do what you felt necessary to help you get on with your life.

Thank you for starting this thread and posting what you wrote and how she responded. I posted a similar thread a couple days ago asking for advice on a "closure" letter to my uBPDexbf. It got a lot of good feedback. See here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=213342.0

Same deal as you, my r/s ended badly with my boyfriend kicking me out of his life in dramatic fashion with name calling and a series of heated several arguments. Painted black, so to speak.

I too want to send some words to my ex, but for me, not him.

Good on u angel, I did the same thing too yesterday but no where near as nicely as you did, and I felt better, he responded with a bunch of bs, totally unrelated to what I was saying, I expected it, I laughed, I actually laughed, I wasnt sad anymore because Ive accepted how he is, and there ant a dam thing in the world thats gona change it.He sent more msgs this morning, I deleted them without reading them and carried on with my day, goodluck to you angel.