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Her journaling has turned more introspective. She is now crying out to God for help. She says she wants to fix things with Turkish, but doesn't know how. She also wrote that Turkish is right, she has many things to work on (keep in mind we haven't had a conversation about "us" in almost a month... .and that last conversation wasn't too bad. I thereafter slammed down NC again, other than day to day stuff, or concerning the kids).

I feel that I am on a higher plane now (thanks in no small part to BPDF and all of you!). Knowing this, I am not hinting on how to fix things. I know how I would do it (or try) if I were in her shoes (which I wouldn't be, but for the sake of the conversation). I certainly can't tell her, or it wouldn't be real. About 5% of me thinks I would want to salvage it on my part, especially being certain, cognizant and educated about what I am up against with this high-functioning woman containing the BPD monster. This has to be all her first, and then I can involve myself, depending upon how I am at the time. At that point, I have to be realistic about what it might be. She has grown some over the past years with me. She just reverted to teen behavior after the second kid. Too much responsibility. Too much of a 3 dimensional relationship. She journals that she is tired of running. It's like she's reading my mind.

How convenient for her to be able to communicate with you this way.  Just more evidence she is unable to sustain any kind of healthy relationship.  I think the closer you get to her moving out - the more extreme it's going to get.  Her fear is going to peak and she will try to make some effort at reconciling.

I say be ready with how you will respond with whatever it is you will want, need, expect (whether the answer is yes or no).  With the holidays at hand it it sure to be even more of an emotional time.  Be prepared.

Thanks  for the support and I  understand what you are saying,  even if you want to reach through the screen and smack some sense into me).  to be fair,  I've flat out told her  we will no longer talk about " us".  her  sis from out of state is here for a  week. I  know they haven't talked about this yet at any length.  it will be interesting to see  if I  get passed any messages.