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Title: The benefits of having this horrible relationship. Post by: BuildingFromScratch on November 14, 2013, 02:32:36 PM I suppose it's different for everyone, but I've struggled my whole life to feel loved. And during this idealization phase, I finally got what I needed, some perfect, undoubtable love. Because she amplified my self doubt, my co-dependency, the true colors of my ego rose to the surface and I became a non-person. Because I always try to understand things and have had to take a hard look at both of us in a more objective way. I can finally build a healthy ego, where I can be my own person and not a person that validates their existence through other peoples eyes (this is something both the BPD and the non-BPD have in common), it's just a lot more complicated with a person who has BPD.
Title: Re: The benefits of having this horrible relationship. Post by: Turkish on November 14, 2013, 03:22:21 PM I suppose it's different for everyone, but I've struggled my whole life to feel loved. And during this idealization phase, I finally got what I needed, some perfect, undoubtable love. Because she amplified my self doubt, my co-dependency, the true colors of my ego rose to the surface and I became a non-person. Because I always try to understand things and have had to take a hard look at both of us in a more objective way. I can finally build a healthy ego, where I can be my own person and not a person that validates their existence through other peoples eyes (this is something both the BPD and the non-BPD have in common), Hi SO, Personally speaking, if this had happened to me ten years before, I might be in more of a BPD "mode". But what you say is where I am at. The problem for my X and I was that I was already kind of at this point 90% by the time we met six years ago. She still sees herself through her roles in life (rather than how her core qualities and their relation to defining these roles and interacting with others). Since her core "quality" is emptiness, she will never be whole until that is healed. And will never have a mature relationship. Have you read any of the articles on this site dealing with break-ups? Title: Re: The benefits of having this horrible relationship. Post by: BuildingFromScratch on November 14, 2013, 03:27:24 PM Yeah I read some of the articles about co-dependency, how to survive a breakup and how the BPD relationship evolves. These all helped bring clarity to the situation for me.
Title: Re: The benefits of having this horrible relationship. Post by: froggy on November 14, 2013, 03:33:37 PM For myself I think I was well on my way to being a pwBPD when I met him at 16.
I read descriptions on here of women wBPD... especially when it comes to sex. I grew up with an uBPDf with a lot of abuse ... sexual,physical and mental. I met him after a rape and sexual abuse... I was totally out of control and was ready to leave home and live on the streets if nessary.(I wasn't getting along with my mom and acting out suicidal an eating disorder and drugs and alcohol) He walked into my life at probably one of my lowest points. The last 33 years I haven't been able to focus on me... he has always been so much more in need... .make that 30 years... took 3 years to grow up and give up ever getting my needs net or him changing... .it brought out my codependent side. I've always internally thanked him... .he saved me in a few ways... .I could have become a full blown pwBPD. ... run off at 16... lived on the streets and hooked and done drugs to survive. I was in such a state of self loathing and so profoundly lonely... .he filled a need... I saw the red flags but my alternative at the time seemed so much worse. He gave me some of what I needed at the time... .independance more than anything. ... little did I know I'd pay for it with everything I had left. |