BPDFamily.com

Hi I have just discovered this forum, wish I had found it earlier. I have been feeling so alone. Our daughter (15yrs old) has always been difficult (she is the 3rd child of 4) and has always done tantrums etc to get her own way. This has escalated and when we moved from a small town to big city nearly 3 years ago now our problems really started. She started sneaking out, meeting up with older boys and doing drugs. Then this year started running away with her boyfriend (whose father is a gang member) doing stronger drugs and being completely disrespectful to us. She assaulted her father and was put into care for two weeks as a last resort to try and help. Long story short she has now broken up with the boyfriend, quit school, and is living at home. On the plus side she has a part time job where she is doing well.  The problem is she still smokes weed everyday, won't do anything around home, refuses to pay board and abuses all of us, smashes things.  It has really got me down, I end up crying every day with the frustration of it all.  She has no friends (I assume she has treated them bad as well).  We just don't know what to do, we can't see any end to it.  She has attempted suicide 3 times and did in the past cut herself. She is impossible to reason with and can't cope if she doesn't get her own way.  She had a physc team assess her and they suggested she had borderline personality disorder - I have read so many books since then and she definitely does. I read people with loved ones with BPD get the light bulb moment - that is so true.  How do people cope with teenagers with this - it effects our other children so much. Sorry I said long story short!

Hi, Mish66 &  *welcome*

I am really sorry that you are having so many problems with your daughter; it's miserable when our child has BPD and behaviors that we can see are so destructive, and we don't know what to do about them!

When a child suffers from BPD (even our adult child), not only is the child unhappy and unhealthy, but often, so is everyone who loves them. This mental illness can severely affect everyone, creating drama and heartbreak, while also piling on the guilt and anxiety. The good news is that there are answers to these problems, and we are here to offer you the support and encouragement to help you find them. You'll see that there are things that can be done to stop making things worse and begin to make them better. A great place to start is with this set of resources: What can a parent do? (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=114267.0) We look forward to seeing you on the Parenting a Son or Daughter Suffering from BPD board (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=4.0) and hope you join us in learning how to understand and communicate with our children better.

I do know what you are going through; I am here because of my own adult son (36) who was just diagnosed with BPD in March/April 2013. Since then, however, I have learned the communication tools and techniques in the links above which has made our relationship so much better--in fact, better as soon as I started using them! And, not only is our relationship better, but once all his anger and defiance dissipated, he's been willing to have treatment for his disorder (and his other diagnoses) and he is in the recovery process and doing very well.

My son's story is not totally unique, and when you go over and check out the Parenting

Board (linked to above), you will find many other parents who are finding their way through the minefields of their children's BPD symptoms and behaviors. When you check out that Board, be sure to click on the links to the right-hand margin of that page; the information you will find there is invaluable! Please keep posting your story, and asking your question, and read all you can... .It really can help, Mish66 

Hi Mish66, I don't have anything to add to what Rapt Reader said, but I just wanted to say hi and welcome.    I hope that the links Rapt Reader suggested help get you started in finding a way to improve your relationship with your daughter.

Best wishes to you as well as a big hug! 

Mish66,

. I just wanted to join the welcome wagon!  I am a parent, too!    I came here originally for my daughter, then 25, now 29 with suspect BPD.

I hope you will join us on the parents board!


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