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Title: Ruminating Post by: Wanna Move On on November 15, 2013, 11:10:15 AM Hello everybody; a few questions:
While intellectually I "know" that the evidence strongly suggests that subjective, impossible-to-measure-or-define maladaptive relational aspects of high functioning narcissistic BPDs are impervious to change (even with DBT), why does a part of me still feel/fear/think that BPDex is now happy? Why does that near-universal fear exist amongst and haunt us nons? It kills me to ask, but do high functioning BPDs change their subjective internal core templates? (I am NOT referring to the statistically measurable acting-out-type behaviors commonly found amongst low functioning BPDs.) Any insight or shared experience relative to this issue would be greatly appreciated. Title: Re: Ruminating Post by: frag1911 on November 15, 2013, 12:01:08 PM At that level of functioning, I don't think they can even relate to the possibility that they CAN be wrong... .so why would they change anything about their perceptions and attitudes? It's too internalized, and it's not even a behavior such as acting out.
As for us nons being haunted, that depends on how fixed the non is in the current or past r/s. Being haunted suggests that the non might not have the ability to separate and heal from the poisonous relationship and is still dependent emotionally on the pwBPD filling a space in their life. So if you can't effect a change, how does it affect you that they're happy? If it does, then who has the power? Title: Re: Ruminating Post by: alliance on November 15, 2013, 02:00:03 PM Hello everybody; a few questions: While intellectually I "know" that the evidence strongly suggests that subjective, impossible-to-measure-or-define maladaptive relational aspects of high functioning narcissistic BPDs are impervious to change (even with DBT), why does a part of me still feel/fear/think that BPDex is now happy? My first reaction would be, define happy. Happy is a relative concept with BPD. If someone new is buying into their stuff, they may indeed be happy in their own way. Idealization is a powerful thing for both parties. Presuming our relationship with them went south, with mutual triggering, they may be happy to be free from the conflict. Being bombarded with reality is not a happy place for someone who has difficulties with reality. Why does that near-universal fear exist amongst and haunt us nons? Near universal fear and haunt that the BPD may be happy without us? IDK. Kind of an ego thing maybe. What does the new person have that we didn't? Of course we fail to remember the person before us was probably struggling with the same thing when the BPD got involved with us. Some of it was not knowing or understanding what we were dealing with, and wondering if there was something we could have/should have done i.e. was there something we could have done to fix them so there was a happy ending. It kills me to ask, but do high functioning BPDs change their subjective internal core templates? (I am NOT referring to the statistically measurable acting-out-type behaviors commonly found amongst low functioning BPDs.) I'm not sure I know what this is referring to. Can you explain it a bit? Any insight or shared experience relative to this issue would be greatly appreciated. |