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She just facebooked me from a new account. A full week of NC and now shes back.

My heart is racing again. Damn it 

I guess this proves she has deleted my number otherwise she would have text.

Resist it my friend. You know nothing good will come out of responding. She may have not deleted your number and is trying to throw you off balance with coming at you from this angle.

It certainly has thrown me off. I told her last Friday I was deleting her number and moving on. Now she messages me saying: 'Hi hope your well, been thinking about you xxxx'

Damn it lol

Im guessing since I told her I was deleting her number coming via facebook makes sense since i'll see who it is instead of me replying to an anonymous text with 'who is this?'

That was her whole plan. She knew you would think she was going to text you by telling her you deleted her number, so she tried a different approach. Anything to try and get you to respond, whether negatively or positively. I know it sucks. Your best bet, and only thing you can control, do not respond at all.

You're having a physical reaction.

That's your body talking to you. :)

Why do you think this is? Fear? Excitement?... . Hope?

Strength isn't so much about not giving in to what it is that you think you want to do.  I'm assuming that your reactions of not wanting to break your NC stance stem from not wanting to start this whole relationship over again only to endure the same outcome?

Is this the first time you've said "I'm done, I'm not talking to you anymore... ." or have you done it before only to rekindle the relationship?

Yep NC all the way. she's posing in a revealing dress on her profile pic.

This is the first time I have made a serious move to move on. In the past she has been the one to say shes not talking anymore.

I know the pain I will endure if I do contact her and open the gates.

Thought I was making good progress.

I'm all about setting reasonable goals in our healing journeys and not moralizing the progress we make or even the slips and falls along the way... .there isn't "good" or "bad" progress. There is just progress.

So don't beat yourself up for feeling your feelings. :)

Handling the situation with all the emotions that come with it = progress

So she's created a different facebook page. She's contacted you thru it.

What are you going to do?

I'm thinking a short neutral reply, but that goes against what I have been advising others.

On the other hand I kind of left communication open incase she escalated.

What to do. What to do.  

"No contact" or "time out" are tools that are best used when the emotions are running just too high. When the tension is running rampid and every little thing said gets blown up. It's just too hard to be civil or to engage in productive conversations. Use it as a coping skill for not dealing with her, it will prevents you from dealing with your emotions surrounding her.  

It sounds like your ex-girlfriend is maybe playing games or whatever it is that she's doing. It's often best not to base our actions on other people's actions though. Don't play the game if you don't want to play it. You told her that you didn't want to talk to her and she contacted you anyways. She's a boundary buster so it's not really out of what is normal for her to do what she's doing. It also has proved to be both of your pattern when you break up only to get back together again. So she's just continuing on with what she's always done.

This is you wanting to stop the cycle. So it's up to you to stop it.  

If you're serious about needing a break from her and the relationship loss, it's OK to express that to her. "Hey, I appreciate the sentiment but I was serious about what I said. I think it's best if we just don't talk right now, I need some time to myself".  

It's also OK not to respond if you just aren't wanting to get into anything with her.

Is there a reason that you feel you can't just come out and say that to her?

I have a feeling no matter what I say or do she will hammer at the walls.

I have not replied and in less than an hour she's already going crazy because im ignoring her.

Strike,

I have read your postings with interest. My interest lies in the fact that our two "former" partners are so incredibly similar which happens to be the case so commonly on this board. I did my internal wavering as well.

I will say this that once I had made up my mind about NC it was a firm personal decision. Each and every time I resisted the "need" for communication the slightly stronger I became.

I share this with you. Once I got off the merry go round things began to click for me. Six months after the first resist of contact temptation the thought of responding to her entreaties have become increasingly ludicrous and a potentially royal setback. I would have to be as insane as her.

Now after nearly a year out, I don't care how sexy she projects, what her situation may be, what her facebook activities are, or who her current boy friend is, I can now see the forest AND the trees. I would not want her in my orbit for all the tea in China. I am truly happy to have "weathered the storm". I am a better man.

As my grandpa said so clearly to me many summers ago, "When a man makes up his mind he sticks to it". There is something of value to be gained from practicing those simple words.

I am absolutely fine until she initiates contact. I never had any urges to contact her, only when she texts me I think about a polite reply.

Today she's texting saying she's back in therapy, and exactly a year to the day since she first started it last year.

I sent a polite reply saying I need to move on and that staying in touch was not good for me.

She text back saying she's missing me and her heads so messed up.

The problem is she has nobody around her to support her, her family are just a bunch of wasters and she has very few close friends, and the hours she works means she has no time to go out and meet new people.

She has self harmed before and I guess I am stuck between wanting to be support from a distance and moving on.

Way too stick too your guns. Ignore the rest of the stuff you say about feeling sorry for her. Read all the other posts about people in your position and what their results were. It always ends the same. They promise they will do therapy, make excuses why they don't stick to it, the recycle runs its course faster than the previous time, and you are stuck starting all over again with your pain.  You are no longer responsible for her.

Hang in there and give yourself time to weigh all your options.  

Strikeforce,

My advice is do not let her play on your sympathy. You are not responsible for ensuring her safety, making sure she has a support group, or encouraging her to continue with therapy. Acknowledge that you are attracted to her, but resist the urge to be lured in by her games.

Strength and courage, my friend.

Tourmaline

FOG

Fear:

she displays herself looking hot and available to you maybe, if not someone else. Pulling you towards her, 'thinking about you' too many xxx's. Invading your boundaries.

Obligation:

You should answer a message it's polite, why not think about the reply and her, she has taken up more of your headspace and time.

Guilt:

She has no friends or support, she needs you, needs a white knight.

Keep out of the FOG, it's where you get lost.

You sound like you are doing OK, it's a heady brew to deal with love and loss with BPD relationships.

I've lost some nerve feeling to my right hand, only tiny, but nerve damage. I was so messed up the first week of breakup I fell and bruised myself.

Look after yourself, exercise, eat well and see this as a turning point in your life to reevaluate what YOU want and how you see yourself, the good stuff that is inside, the stuff you saw in her eyes to seduce you. Degrading and devaluing seems to be part of the symptoms of BPD, cruelty from their confusion.

I found a saying she had written down,

'The trouble with trouble is it starts out as fun'

Chilling really.

Courage, Resistance, Understanding