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It has been now a good couple of weeks since I left home due to her DV and uncontrollable rage. I just could not take anymore especially in front of the kids.

Since I really miss my kids, I email her and said I am not prepare to go back until I get a commitment her DV has to stop altogether. She replied there will be no commitment from her and that upon my return nothing will change in terms if her DV.

I withdrew and subsequently she sends me another email attacking me how on earth I spent so much time away from my kids. 

She does not want to admit she needs professional help or there is anything wrong with her and things are continue to deteriorate even further.  She has not returned to baseline for weeks.

I know that if I go back, the way things are, the DV will contribute to call the police, expose the kids to more DV and everybody will lose, including my kids, yet if I stay away longer the kids are suffering also missing her Dad.

How can I get her to see a T if she does not want to accept there is anything wrong with her, her DV, rage, disproportionate behavior and acute emotional dysregulation is all my fault.

Dr.Me2, like anything it takes time to rebuild trust and it takes time to see whether words = actions. Asking someone to commit to no DV is simply not a boundary its a demand.

She will blame and accuse – not easy for you I know. Yes she does need professional help and giving an ultimatum to get help, will not work either. She needs to realize this herself.

Nothing changes without change! We need to learn new communication skills and our partners need therapy.

What are the arrangements right now about seeing the kids?

Clearmind,

At the moments I am withdrawing for her blames and attacks and seeking shelter away.

This of course gives her further ammunition to blame and attack.

At this point there  is NC.