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this is a letter I want to send to my partner, who at this stage is holed up with her sister, and barely communicating with me.   Would this be too much for her to deal with? N trigger a automatic refusal.  She exhibits many of the  hermit traits of BPD , with a good dash of waif thrown in.  It seems so hard that my romance and relationship ,and future  no matter how much I try, is still at the whim of the BPD and it's consequences . And the emotional disorder is such a small part of the woman I love. Difficult that it such a loud part lol.

but I would hate to loose my partner , just cause she thinks she going to hurt me too much , or she afraid.  I willing if it a regular concern, or she over me.  But I don't want BPD to be the reason, specially after battling it a lot.  



Good evening  xy,

could you do me favor n come across the road to see me for a coffee tomorrow morning ? Or when you are free in the afternoon ?   I am sorry but I need to see your eyes to know if you really want me gone , and make sure it isn't just the BPD , anxiety n fears that has taken you away . . I want my future to be beside you.  But if you really don't want our relationship to be over, please don't drag it out,  again I sorry I have to seeyour eyes to believe you tho. and to make it real for me too.

Remember that card you wrote me for my birthday, look on our arm to snakes untwined, all the love and friendship  you have given me, all the love n happiness that we have shared as we have grown closer.  Sweetheart I am still at that place. I think of you as my partner, and future wife. Lover and best friend.   As together n yours .  If you want to change things , cool , talk it over with me, just don't ambush me and expect me  know what you're headspace with out telling me lol .  Ispend a lot of time and effort learning how to communicate with a BPD mind,  yet ye shut out the chance of me  ever have the chance to do so, if ye won't speak.

I don't want control or to bully you, or even try change your mind,  I would like to know what your thinking or your worries so I can be the best I can for you , and perhaps you can take on my thoughts at times as well

.  One morning I come home and found you gone again, gone thru the BPD pattern of rage, splitting, projection , withdrawal, and then you shut yourself and your love away.  And we have been thru this a few times before. . It does seem to be unfair as , you told me it was just work stressing you out.   Never spoke of any of the things that you shouted at me in the following weeks. If want to change things fine , talk it over with me.  If worried I going take money, I sign prenup now and you never spend a cent on me again. If worried bout me put a locator on me.  Just share your worries and we will come up with a way to alleviate your concerns , but I would like to do it together.  I understand that your emotions and ,ind take extra care, and I willing to accommodate ye, walk beside you on the hard path, support ye when you stumble, and be there if you need. I look forward to you being free of troubles n pain.

I have spoken before that I don't give my promises lightly. And I am willing to stand by them always. , I so don't want us to be over,  you make me happy, and yes there is hard bits, but every relationship has those, i dont want or wxpect perfection, i adore your uniqueness . But if I KNOW you really want to leave me, I need you to look in my eyes n tell me that you don't want  my promises , and I will walk away , very sad I'll be, but at least I can know I won't be betraying your trust if I move on without you in my thoughts, and withdraw my  Love and dedication  from you forever more.  Without that I can't move on no start to heal my self and mourne the loss of the most wonderful woman I have ever known . If you afraid of hurting me breaking my heart, I would much prefer to have it done quickly, not live in hope like this to be dashed in few weeks time.  Of you tell me what you want, I can not bother you, I stop trying .

Please believe me it the last thing that I want, but if I can't make you happy anymore, let me go . I still believe that we can get thru this life together , and that we have such fun doing so.

I saw the relief in your eyes, so many times when you know that I am always going to be here,  and the joy as you know you loved unconditionally . I proud I can be that for you.  I also thought that you going to be there for me too, I'm so proud to be your man.

The last time you left , do you remember how hard is was for you to return to my arms, how worried  you were? There was a huge bunch of things you were scared of, including my anger, or disappointment etc.    :)o you Remember how you cried those tears of such releaf in my arms when you knew that nothing else mattered than you returned to the man that loves you, that I held no blame or anger , just devotion, understanding friendship n love. Do you remember your peace as I kissed your tears away and welcomed you home.

I do beg you, that you don't let your fears distoroy such love as we have for each other.  . I do so wish you could se in my heart n mind to see that nothing damaged , and I no

D nothing but respect, and adoration, and hope.   I still think you are a wonderful , smart and beautiful woman, and have not regretted one moment that I had the honor to be part of your life.

Again , please meet me tomorrow ,  put my heart to rest.

You loving friend n lover

R

Hi Harlequin

I feel with you, being without or with poor communication with our loved ones is hard. 

Writing a letter is a frequent idea in such situations. Its always a good thing to clarify the own thoughts and feelings.

We often recommend not to send it. If you really want to send a letter, make it shorter for her, much shorter.

Writing things down like this is a good tool for you to order your own thoughts.

However to send letters will be greeted as a challenge or accusation to be fought an defended against at all cost. A pwBPDs lack of balance and ability to compromise will cause her to scan the positives, pick up the potential criticisms and deny, fight back. Then lt escalates and you feel even more invalidated as you feel that your right to be ignored is being denied.

She will see too much neediness in this, and neediness is her role. A pwBPD sees themselves in the role of receiver, not provider. To be with a pwBPD you need to be the strong and stable one. There is far too much justifying and explaining here. You are asking for her to be more responsible than she is capable of, that will be seen as pressure

Once sent they can't be retracted, and will be brought out and quoted (often out of context) any time in the future.

I would not send it, I wrote one too