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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Bettering a Relationship or Reversing a Breakup => Topic started by: Green2 on November 19, 2013, 06:26:07 AM



Title: Treating You & Everyone Else as "Therapist"?
Post by: Green2 on November 19, 2013, 06:26:07 AM
I would like to keep my friend in my life, because she is a very compassionate & creative person (two qualities I very much value), but the one thing I am unable to cope with is the daily crisis report.

Did anyone else here find that you were constantly treated like a therapist, but your advice was always disregarded, and then they come running back to you devastated when their plans completely backfire?

This is happening nonstop now, and I don't know how to set boundaries. I have already had 3 serious boundary talks with her, and she seems to receptive, but then slowly slips back into doing the exact same thing.

How can I get away from this role? And how can I also kindly let her know that my friends are uncomfortable playing that role too? She does it with all of my friends, usually the first day they meet.

Thanks!


Title: Re: Treating You & Everyone Else as "Therapist"?
Post by: hergestridge on November 19, 2013, 02:11:03 PM
Did anyone else here find that you were constantly treated like a therapist, but your advice was always disregarded, and then they come running back to you devastated when their plans completely backfire?

Had this a lot. I am very reluctant to be her "therapist" because either she ignores my advice or she does exactly what I told her and holds me responsible for what she did (don't know which one's worst actually). It's frustrating beyond words.

The problem is that the "therapy" (in lack of better words, I'm not a competent therapist) is part of the glue that used to hold us together. The more I set boundaries, the less we have to talk about.

I no longer accept listening to her hate-filled tirades about how bad other people are (because it only makes me feel bad). I no longer sit up late nights with her talking about her problems (because we never seem to solve any). I no longer sit around anxiously waiting for her to the break the silence after a three-day "silent treatment" (because it's a punishment for something I didn't do). This leaves her without an outlet for her anxienty, nowhere to "let off steam".

She's sad, frustrated and silent by the "new me" and I don't know what's going on in her head to be honest. But she has to think of something else to do instead of behaving like a teenage girl when she's in her late 30s. 



Title: Re: Treating You & Everyone Else as "Therapist"?
Post by: waverider on November 19, 2013, 02:59:07 PM
I get this all the time, it is just a part of the disability.I have learned to listen a lot, but avoid trying to fix. This just frustrates you.

It seems a cycle of learning followed by unlearning. Which at least is better than adamant denial.