BPDFamily.com

I'm really having a hard time today. While I know I need to detach it is killing me how black my ex has painted me.

Well black within limits.

Last contact was last week when I emailed her to pick up a box. She did (I assume, unless a neighbor swiped it-wouldn't be the first time) but no response at all.

She has blocked my number and fb, something she has never done before (for this long at least) even when going off to a replacement person.

This time my replacement is someone who lives in the state, not hours away. She is not an out lesbian and in a relationship with a man. This new girl wants to stay friends with me for some crazy reason and actually asked me if I would take my ex back if she wanted me.

As of last Saturday this woman told me she believes my ex loved/still loves me.

I am so confused what the hell this is? Is it a fling? Will my ex ever reach out again?

I know this is not healthy for me but I am used to her coming back. This time it seems so much more permanent.  She didn't threaten a RO this time, but she did tell me I treated her like dirt and she never wanted to talk to me again... .this days after wanting us to be "best friends" so she could date this person and keep me as a back up.

After reading everything on BPD I knew that was what she was doing and I told her I refused to be her back up plan. That is when she raged and went NC.

I am still baffled by this other woman who was a mutual friend.  Saturday I told her I could not trust her and needed to sever our friendship. She has said they are "not dating" but she has been lying to various people about her plans with my ex and people are catching them places. No one cannot figure out why she is not being honest.

Seriously, my ex would accuse me of being to dramatic. I don't know, this all sounds pretty dramatic to me and all I want is some honesty.

I don't know what to do. I am craving the contact part of this, even if I don't respond. This morning I changed her phone name to: You Can Seriously Do Better. I am hoping if/when she contacts that pops up and I can chuckle and ignore.

Why do you think this time is permanent? If she has done this multiple times to you, chances are very high that she will return again and again. A good predictor of future behavior is past behavior. Thing is, the outcome at the end, will be the same each time. Your ex has a disorder that compels her to repeat this god awful behavior. I know it hurts. It was no different with mine. Hang in there.

I second this. It's a the script of their lives. Not being whole people with secure identities, they read and act what was written for them in their childhoods. As IMF said, it compels them. They are driven by it, and take us with them when whenever we are with them, with all of the predictable accidents along the way.

She has done this six times in 18 mo.

I have read a study and I wish I could remember the author. It was a psychiatrist. He said the typical BPD relationship lasts 18mo or 15yrs. I know I cannot do this 15yrs.

This last break I told everyone who would listen to me. People are sick of me taking her back. If I did it again I would lose all my friends not to mention my therapist would dump me too! I actually lied to the woman for 6mo when I got back together with her. Why would I do something so stupid? Only hurt me in the end.

You are right. She is also "friends" with all her exes except the one who raped her (and while I hate to doubt who knows if that is true or not given all the stories). She has 1 actual friend and that's it. I am a very active woman. I run two meetup groups with over 500 people and help coordinate for others. She couldn't stand I had a life outside her.

Twords the end of this last recycle I actually encouraged her to hang out with this woman and another friend. I did not expect to be dumped for this person who is actually more needy and insecure than I am.

This woman was married four years ago. Her husband walked out suddenly and she never heard from him again. She waited two years to see if he would come back. Her divorce was finalized last month. She is currently in a relationship with a pilot who travels a lot and doesn't treat her the best.

I am sure my ex swept in to "save her". Wait til she doesn't get any attention. This girl is so wounded.

I am really glad I have all my extra-curriculars. They are keeping me sane right now.