BPDFamily.com

My ex partner is high in BPD traits and had a collection of bdsm pornography. He downplayed its importance to him and claimed he used it rarely , to " stimulate" himself during masturbation. He later opened up about his sex life with his first wife which was centred around master and slave scenarios. After discarding her, he married a devout catholic virgin, ten years younger than him.

In his case, I believe his attraction to bdsm was rooted in his tendency to split his partners into good " angels" and punishable " whores/ faulty caregivers".

His mother had left him at aged 5 with his paternal grandparents , she remarried and the new husband didnt want him around. His father is high in anti social PD traits , was largely absent but when present was violent ( beating him ) abusive ( taunting him as a mummys boy, and for being short). The father also had prostitutes visit his apartment when the BPD ex was visiting at age 14, 15.

He told me his interest in bondage was something he was " born with" and compared it to being born gay ( strangely, as he was essentially homophobic).

His paternal uncle once found him at age 8 doodling a naked woman in chains. My jaw dropped at this. He roared with laughter and told the story as if it were one of those "  I was a mischevious child" type of stories. The uncle had been " disturbed" by the picture and thrown it away. The ex seemed to register no sense of this being suggestive of childhhod trauma, severe attachment and abandonment anxiety, inappropriate sexualisation. He had no self awareness at all.

The final weekend I spent with him saw him forceably introduce sadistic and dominating acts when we were in bed. He has no sense of boundaries. I believe BDSM is a very dangerous area for pw BPD and their partners due to the borderline's weak / non existent boundaries and the prevalence of childhood abuse amongst borderlines. It seems probable that sadism is an acting out of unresolved abuse trauma.

I would think if the partner were in to it they would act that way... .but I think sadism is usually found with NPD rather than BPD.

I have recently came along a site on psychopathy. Psychopathyawareness.com. My ex fit a lot of what they said there. Not all but a lot. We usually think of psychopathy in just serial killers but it is not just that. The story when he is 8 is extremely disturbing. Please don't go near that guy.