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So I am someone who tends to mirror anyone who is close in my life. I think that is why my moods change from week to week day to day about how I feel about my relationship. It seems like things are really horrible one week and i can't take it anymore and the next week I completely forget how that week felt and I'm back to thinking this is fine... .I can stay with m UBPDBF for as long as it takes for him to come around.

Basically he is separated from his wife but tends to go back and forth between the two of us which is incredibly incredibly difficult for me and for her. She came to my home and threw my new kitten across the room when he and I were sitting on the couch but that is another story. She too probably mirroring and becoming crazy.

Anyways, I read somewhere that the best way to treat a BPD and stay happy is to become Rhett Butler. Essentially take on his non chalant attitude and approach the way he approaches the classic BPD (Scarlett O'hara). He treats her like a child basically, always amused, always distracted. you know the book you get the picture.

I have found that by taking on this attitude my BPD is much more manageable. When he does something that makes me mad  i take on a kind of uncaring anger. where i tell him how i feel but make a point that I don't care if it bothers him that I feel this way or am doing this I am doing it because damn it I feel like it. Have taken on treating him like a true toddler wiht consequences. Putting him in a time out hasn't work so instead I threaten to go on another date with a guy I went out wiht once. I am wondering how long I can keep this up and how long he will keep falling for it but it seems to be working so far. I have even gone so far as to go on hte actual date and of course he raged after for a n hour but then went right back into idealizing me

And trust me. I know how horrible and unhealthy this all is. But just commenting on the dynamic of these relationships. I guess over time you see its always the same horrible cycle over and over again and we are all just trying to manage or get out. but to me its some what interesting to hear about how these things go.

What do you think is on your future with this guy?


It sounds like they're both BPD. This estranged wife is someone who threw a kitten across the room. And he goes back to her. If I were him and my ex threw my [girlfriend's] kitten across the room, I'd throw her across the room (luckily she's not that sick). Either she's a total psycho, or he's driven her to that point of madness; in which case right there is a preview of your future. This guy is only separated. What progress is he making toward a divorce? I'm still only separated and will be filing for a divorce. But I have no right to expect anyone to be in an exclusive relationship with me; even though I'm single for all intents and purposes and things have calmed down a lot, separated and divorced are two separate things.

Treating him like a toddler is what he does. Timeouts? Using others' as pawns to strike a chord in the jealousy department is what he does. Do you like being treated like that? ... .  ... ... ..  Then don't do it. Also, don't bring other guys in to use as pawns. They don't deserve to have their feelings hurt and it's disrespectful. I'm not judging you, but trying to one-up him in how who can be more s**ty to who is a sign that the relationship is already doomed. It also makes you look like a borderline. Stop trying to outskunk the skunk. You will lose. And you will never feel better for having done any of that.

It sounds like you're still young. And you can obviously get yourself a date. He's still hung up on the "ex". Move on.

Rhett Butler really cares about Scarlett. He just acted nonchalant and too cool for school but towards the end of the film, he tells her how he spoiled their child Bonnie because he wanted to spoil her (Scarlett)... that while they had Bonnie, then things could be okay but after Bonnie died, the hope was essentially extinguished on their relationship. Even Mellie tells Scarlett as she's dying that "Captain Butler loves you so". He is madly in love with her! He only leaves because he can't take anymore of Scarlet's bad behavior. He says to her at the end "frankly my dear I don't give a damn" because she only told him that she loved him after her beloved Ashley died! He saw through her attempts at manipulation- that Ashley was gone so Rhett Butler was the next best thing essentially. He said that "frankly my dear I don't give a damn" line in anger... in frustration... in just "I can't take this anymore".

Basically, my point is that Rhett was just putting on an act... playing it cool but you can't play it cool forever. You obviously care about this guy or else you wouldn't be posting here. I think that pretending you don't care for this guy is obviously taking a toll on you and stressing you out- you say that you don't know how long you can keep it up for.

  Hi asherah777   i,m in a friend ship with a BPD friend(female )i am a married male, just friends,just read your post and wanted to comment,first time commenting,i posted 4 times, its hard when our heart   falls for some one,which mine has, i just try believeing its going to be ok, that i have some value in life ,and that this will work out,call it a belief i a higher power.