BPDFamily.com

I have been wanting to buy a DBT therapy book for myself for awhile. I usually go to Amazon and just type in DBT therapy, there are too many to choose from. I seen the High Conflict Couple, which seems promising. But I basically am looking for something that will give me the skills not to react to my husband trying to trigger me. I get very emotional and I cry really easily. Something I have done since childhood. Any time my Dad would yell at me I would run to my room crying, my Parents were not abusive to me. They had their own problems with each other which I think affected me. I've known about my crying issue and would like some skills to curb it. It greatly affects how my husband reacts to me, if I stayed calm he would most likely stay calmer too. But again I have the crying issue. I also have figured out when things get really heated and I can't cope with even the crying ,I start raising my voice which takes my husband to another level so I need to learn how to stop this for my own sake.

DBT was developed specifically to treat people with BPD, and incorporates pieces of standard cognitive behavioral therapy and Buddhist meditation practices.  Although it would probably be helpful for everyone, information on more mainstream therapies and techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy, neuro linguistic programming, and meditation are more readily available.  The book Feeling Good listed on this site is very good, and will probably help.

I favor NLP techniques like imagining yourself in a safe, warm, comfortable bubble that is impenetrable by your husband's yelling and also mutes the noise, but is completely comfortable for you.  Make it any color you want.  And like anything else, the more you practice the better it gets.  Another one is imagining him as a little kid with a big head, running around having a temper tantrum, more funny than triggering.  Not to imply you go off in some psychological fantasyland and ignore the reality, these techniques just lessen the severity and the impact of the trigger, so your rational brain can interact the way you want.  Good luck with that!

Would your partner be up for allowing you some time to yourself when you feel like crying? 

Maybe you could mention it to him as "Wow, I seem to be having a crying spell this evening, would you mind if I went and (do something else?)  This way he would not feel that he is at fault or a threat, therefore doesnt concern him? 

I have read "Most" of feeling good, from what I have read, it talks alot about negating negative "feelings", and helping you to discern when you are allowing feelings to be facts.  Its really helpful for overcoming depression.  I do not know if that is what you are looking for.

I really feel for you Cloudy Days.  I am no longer in my relationship, but I can remember all too well trying to find ways to take the sting out of the hornets nest.  As you have heard, do not take his words personally, you have not failed humanity in any way... .he just wants to bhit about something... anything

You are a fantastic, loving partner.  He is just being insane for the moment... .but he will pull himself together eventually.  Go do something else, anything else.

 Laelle