BPDFamily.com

How do you more seasoned folks handle the "push" phase?  This one is hurting me so bad because things have been so great for about 2 weeks and yesterday and today its like he doesn't even remember that I am someone that he loves.  How about inconsistency?  Is it common in BPD in terms of having a reliable date night and regular, predicable time spent together- do they struggle with this?

My pwBPD used to struggle with this something awful, as did I because he did, so then I'd say things and react in ways that only added fuel to the fire and gave him an excuse to believe that I was the one with control issues.

I was trying to control him

I tried to control the time we spent together, the things we did together, the way he should talk to me and treat me and and and... .

All things I had NO control over whatsoever.  It took me a long time to see things this way.  This was no ordinary relationship.

I learned to get busy living my own life when the push arrived.  It still does from time to time, but nowhere near the extent of before; once in a while after we've come particularly close.  I leave him alone, do my own thing, he comes back and we're a step or two ahead of where we were before the last push.  There's forward motion and it's more than just chugging along, because all the while, I'm improving how well I can take care of myself.  And he trusts me more :)

We do all kinds of things together, we make future plans, he sticks to his word for the most part.  Sometimes I bring something up that he's seemed to forgotten.  No biggie.

Hope this helps!

Very informative post 123Phoebe, it's a real eye-opener for me and is very much appreciated.

Yes thank you Phoebe.  It is so easy to get completely lost in their attitudes and moods so it is important to focus on our own lives in the process.