BPDFamily.com

Dear BPD family. My daughter is almost 17 n diagnosed with BPD. We are in the process of finding therapy. Not easy where we live in Geneva Switzerland.

Question: how much should we tell her at this stage on her condition? And additionally WHAT should we tell her?

Ps she has done 3 suicidal attempts in last 2 years.

Hi, Tesse &  *welcome*

I'm so sorry that you are having to deal with BPD diagnosed with your daughter; this disorder can be very stressful for the whole family, and is very difficult for your daughter to deal with, as well as everyone else who loves her. But you are in the right place for comfort, insights and advice.

As for your question regarding whether to tell her about BPD or not, we have information on this dilemma: PERSPECTIVES: Telling someone that you think they have BPD (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=76633.0). According to that Article: There is quite a bit of information against disclosing a possible diagnosis of borderline personality disorder (BPD) to those we love and care about….and for good reason.  The phrase “personality disorder” comes across as an insult, even in the kindest delivery.  For example, imagine if you felt there was nothing wrong with your intelligence and someone empathetically tried to convince that you were in denial and that you are actually severely retarded.  How would that go over?  Perhaps you may recoil and shout, “I’m not stupid, you are the stupid one!”  Then of course, things get escalated from there and any therapeutic window for discussion is now highly defended.

I would highly recommend you read the entire Article before possibly talking to your daughter about her diagnosis; obviously it helps us, as a parent, to have the knowledge of the diagnosis so that we can read up on it, learn all we can, and then apply that knowledge in the form of new communication techniques in order to help our child deal with the situation in a better way. These TOOLS and THE LESSONS are found to the right-hand margin of this page, and they teach us how to communicate with our child in a way that doesn't push every one of their buttons, and helps us regulate their emotions enough in order to encourage their recovery process.

I'm very sorry to hear about her Suicidal Ideations; it is not uncommon with people who suffer from BPD, but it is devastating for the sufferer, and for those who love her. Here's some information that can help you deal with this: Depression and Suicidal Ideation (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=69192.0) and TOOLS: Dealing with threats of Suicide and Suicide Attempts (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=79032.0).

I encourage you to read the links I've given you, and to check out all the links to the right side of this page... .Those of us who post on the Parenting Board know exactly what you are going through, and are here to help and support you... .I'm glad you found us!

Hi Tesse,

*welcome*  It was a hard decision whether or not to tell our dd16 she had BPD.  We had decided against it.  However, dh facebooked a friend about the diagnosis and there was a popup reply while dd was using the computer.  I think it was really hard on her at first, but now it's as much a part of her diagnosis and treatment as her depression.  Also, it's just easier not having this secret from her.  Especially since I really really suck at keeping secrets.

My dd has also had 2 serious suicide attempts, 8 admissions to the hospital and 14 months in rtf in the past 3 years.  Suicidal ideation is definitely the hardest part of this illness.  DH and I were talking to her therapist and we were saying if only we could take suicide off the table.  We could deal with everything else!  It's just so hard and scary and never ending. 

I see you've already been given some great links.  I'd also like to recommend Valerie Porr's Overcoming Borderline Personality.  I don't 100% agree with her especially in regards to hospitalization but she definitely will provide a great understanding and reinforce the skills we use here at bpdfamily. 

-crazed