BPDFamily.com

I was recycled and each time you would think I would learn

I honestly thought I would never hear from him again, as he made it very clear he was done.  I got a text asking to go for a run.  Sounds innocent enough.   So friday we went for a good long run, it was nice, we held hands and he started talking about how he needs to pull himself out of the water, he is drowning (dealing with his 20yr son) and he wants me in his life, he needs my help.  We talked about whether people who are in a relationship can ever just end up as friends and I make a comment that my college boyfriend is still a friend. 

We went back to my house and when I went to take a shower, I closed the door, because he has said in the past I seduce him.  He told me to leave the door open, that he wanted to watch me and one thing lead to another and we had sex.   I know - very stupid. 

We make plans to go a run saturday.  After I left him on Friday, he sends me a nice text, saying I love you and things are good.    I do worry however what could change over night, as it has happened before.

Well he picks me up and I sense a bad mood.  He goes on to ask me questions, about my college boyfriend, why I brought him up and when was the last time I talked to him or texted him.  He demands to see my phone and it escalates into him accusing me of having sex last weekend (we were broken up) with my old boyfriend (who I haven't seen or talked to in years!)

I told my him that first of all I haven't seen him in years (30yrs!) and second of all "if" I had sex with him or anyone last weekend it was my business, as he had broken up with me!  I refused to show him my phone out of principal, I had done nothing to deserve this rage and didn't deserve to be labeled as a women who sleeps around.   He told me if I didn't show him my phone we were done.  I said so I guess we are done! He said be ready to never see me again!  I left without a word, there is nothing I can say that will ever be right.

Please explain to me these extreme of emotions, as it seems like he is always looking for something to sabotage the relationship.  It doesn't matter what I say or do, he will take a totally benign comment and blow it into a bizarre fantasy that has no validity.  Is this a symptom of BPD or something else.  He seems to detach from reality, makes a story up in his head and it becomes truth to him.  Maybe it will help me let go if I realize what is going on with him.

I realize this is not only unhealthy and his dramatic mood swings are starting to scare me. 

First of all, cartwheel, you kept your boundaries about not give him the phone, well done.  |iiii

My guess is: It is/was for him a recycle attempt. Having sex with you brought him back in a romantic rs with you. And for him this means he needs full control over all your moves. All his paranoia and jealousy kicked in during the night from friday till saturday. Perhaps behind all this is a big fear of abandonment.

May I ask you, how many recyles did you have with him?

Sometimes our brain needs a while to see the whole pattern... .and yes, his behavior is unhealthy. And stay with your feelings being scared about it.

I have been through this recycling and recycle about 10x I'm embarrassed to say!  I do see a pattern, and his mood cycles about every 12hrs.   He does have a fear of abandonment, he said that in our couples therapy and then he broke up with me shortly after he shared that.  He said he is going to therapy as he is codependent and needs to stop giving so much and needs to stop "giving in to me" and coming back to me.    I have not initiated him coming back, it has always been his choice, his control yet somehow I am to blame for his actions!

It's so exhausting.