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Here is the morning unexpected email exchange between me and mydd. (I'm in bold)  Of course her fb reflects something different during this period of time.  I admit the only thing I neglected to do was acknowledge her pain... .but I'm not perfect and at this juncture I don't think that would have mattered so much.  The pain is psychosomatic and is nothing new to her which is why she wont let me talk to dr's because I will tell them to get a p nto see her.

The stuff in red is what I consider soo true, she just wont see a p to learn about it

So this is two admissions in 2 weeks (Nov. 7 - 11 and now this being Nov. 21 - 23.


I just got released from Saint Peters agin.

Yeah my kidney sucks.

I have to make an appointment and will probably have to be on daily antibiotics for the rest of my life.

Also theyre considering putting me on a transplant list.

Can you call me

I have no phone.

so what do you think the solution is.

Do you have a Dr. there you want me to talk to?

I dont have a doctor. I just want to be home. I want to go to swedish.

I want to be healthy, and I just cant.  my resident director brought me thursday evening. and i left last night at like four. B was going to call 911 because my kidney was causing me so much pain i couldnt walk.

I completed the perscription they gave me from the first time I was in there, and I still have an infection and cant keep anything down.

I left against medical advice last night for two reasons:

1. the nursing staff there is so rude, like so rude. I cried all day every day.

2.  because I have finals these next two weeks, and Im behind on homework.

One of my professors isnt accepting "medical reasons" as an excuse.

My anxiety is through the roof and I just want everything to stop.

Im in so much pain, and I just cant. I just cant.

But because Im young and have no one to advocate for me, the dr.s seem to be convinced im only there for the pain meds, despite me releasing my medical records from Childrens and Swedish.

And the nursing staff is so horrible. My vein poppin from my IV too long and I KEPT telling the nurse it hurt, and she was like no its the antibiotics they sting sometimes and im like NO ITS NOT.

then my hand swelled up and my vein popped.

THEYRE HORRIBLE!

I could rearrange my day and get you to Swedish today and I'll talk to the dr.s there.

However I can't just stay at the hospital days and night.

I cant. I have finals and I need to do this homework.  

T and B and V and Q are coming later today, and said they would stay with me and take me.

Good, sounds like you have a plan and loving friends to help as well.

Stay focused on your finals and that might help to reduce stress and reduce pain.

 I love you,

Mom

You dont love me. You dont. its so obvious. you havent been here for me at all.

it hurts so bad  how much youve changed.

Have a good holiday season.

Dont bother emailing me back.

Hey twojaybirds,

How are you coping with this?  Last time you were at a retreat and had something to keep your mind busy. What about this time?  It's always so hurtful when my dd says I don't care about her.  I deal with it much better than I used to, but still hurtful.  I think it's interesting that you practically crafted one email from her saying how much mental pain, stress and anxiety she has.  You are so smart to see that.

Just remember psychosomatic pain is still pain.  I'm sure she is in a lot of physical pain.  That's how she has learned to get the attention she needs.  I think your replies to her were that of a caring mom.  She'll get through this.  Maybe over the holidays you can talk about cutting her schedule down next semester so she's not overwhelmed?

-crazed

I am so sorry about her cutting words to you!  I have heard those kinds of things as well from DD14 (you have never done anything for me, you are not my real mom, my real dad, etc.) and I know how much it hurts.  The physical ailments here are constant too.  Ours has pretty much already lost her opportunity to try for a college scholarship in girl's softball and she was already being watched carefully by a university not too far from here, all because of her what seem to be, constant injuries.  Your replies were very positive, validating and solution oriented.  I honestly think if she is anything like my DD she will get over what she said and you will hear from her again soon, but in the mean time, its hard, I know.    to you and prayers for you!

Hi twojaybirds,

I'm sorry the e-mails did not go well... .You say that her fb was telling a different story. Do you think she was lying about being in the hospital? It's frustrating trying to figure out what's real and what isn't... .

On the other hand, I think you are starting to figure some things out. Seeing what we could have done better is a very good tool for us to actually do better in the future. It is not to blame ourselves and get depressed. We learn from experience... .


The pwBPD are often in a lot of pain for various reasons, and often those reasons are purely mental.

So, validating is a wonderful opportunity for us to show our empathy, and make them feel heard, understood and accepted.

You know your dd does not want you to talk to the doctors, because it might expose her mental condition. That is important information. Perhaps by accepting the fact that she does not want that and letting the consequences of that follow her hospital admissions might free up your conversations to more agreeable topics... .

Alsa, another crisis has come to an end, as if it  never happened.

She's all about partying over thanksgiving.

twojaybirds

I thought your responses were very good to your dd. My dd also gets sick when things are stressful. Sounds like your dd is going through a lot right now. Sounds like she wants you to fix things too. It is hard to watch our kids suffer so but it is a part of life. When ever my dd is the worst to me those are the times she is hurting the most. I try to remember that when she is lashing out at me.