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Today I am having a hard time getting past the fact my ex left this relationship 2x's for other people... .both times forming emotional "bonds" beforehand.

I did not realize it was happening and trusted her, wanted her to have friends even if it was an ex of hers. Had no idea she was actually working her way into their lives as a possible mate.

I shouldn't be so jealous of someone who treated me so poorly (their new choice). Because my ex is un-diagnosed I keep thinking, maybe I am wrong, maybe it was me. This was my first lesbian relationship, all new to me so it's hard for me not to think I did something.

My ex left me six times in 18mo. That is not normal. Deep down I know this. If I was so bad, so awful she wouldn't have come back six times.  Each time coming back (not apologizing) but saying she knew we were meant to be together).

I am thinking she did this because there wasn't a replacement at the time. Now there is, and she is a once mutual friend of ours.

I'm just going to "keep on keeping on". I am in therapy three times a week over this and on anti-anxiety. It is amazing how you take on BPD traits after being in a relationship like this.  All I know is there was no closure, just that this is all my fault and she will NEVER be in my life again EVER. She even blocked all forms of communication (which is good and a blessing). I just need to get past this and heal. It's so hard especially feeling so betrayed like this.

It's a little bitter sweet but most of us who are out of the fog a little more look at this in two ways... .

1) She has BPD... .She is disordered... .she is sick... .any relationship she touches will be doomed.

2) She doesn't have BPD. Well this just means she is a completely crappy human being and this is on her not on you.

I have been where you have been and still struggle sometimes. Please be kind to yourself and not base your worth on somebody else's crappy behaviour.

 Hi earth angel just read your post thanks for writing, it helps to know that i am not the only one trying to recover from a relationship-friendship with a pwBPD, its amzing that you wrote that it was good and a blessing that you were deleted from contact and believe this could be a blessing to you,i have been reading here and posting here for a few days, and yesterday i realized that in order for me to move on i have to accept that part or there illness is there need to, i guess they call it splitting,my friend always seems to find new men friends and then devaules me, forgets i exist, its still hard to accept but i have try to understand that they suffer from a real sickness and this is part of it, my best wishes to you.

Snappafcw,

   That was very well put: do not base your worth on someone else's crappy behavior. You are right. I completely agree with that statement... .

if only I will follow it  :)