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My entire relationship with my BPD ex was a huge what the heck moment. From day 1 to day last.

Same here, for me I would I have to include the entire friendship too. I saw the the same behavior(on a smaller scale and less intense) that I would end up experiencing full blast once it went into a relationship. It is best for me to refrain from all relationships(intimate) for an indefinite time period until I work on myself fully. Until I look at what is behind my choices, why I am repeating my choices, and how I learn to not keep doing this to myself.

My borderline was very good at putting forth a very attractive, cheery facade, perfected over the decades to affect attachments, but the real girl underneath was very miserable and disordered.  My downfall was I assumed the cheery gal was who she is, ignored signs to the contrary, and set about loving her and caring about her so that the cheery gal would surface and stay there full time.  Ha!  I was chasing a fantasy, but it was an awesome fantasy.  We wake up when we wake up.

Couldn't agree more with that, HK!

Hk-

YES. When I think back on it... .It all feels like a dream. It never existed, it was just a bad nightmare.

Thats what gets me the most, the terrible realisation that " we" never existed,all the pain the " love"all the effort it was all such a waste.

Yep, me too.  So I say learning and growing, motivated by that pain, is the ultimate 'worth' of that relationship, and can prove invaluable, even though we never saw that gift going in.

Me too. It was too inconsistant. I remember at the beginning, she got really angry at me over something very insignificant and I tried to justify and she got angrier.

I actually dumped her.  She ran off with my key crying, begging me not to leave her.

I always forget about this moment because I was dumped everytime afterwards. She is very emotionally unstable and I need to keep this in mind.

I also need to remember the one time she got physical with me... .I got away and she sat on my couch in a disoriented state saying "I have frontal lobe issues. I have frontal lobe issues".

I wasn't sure what that meant. Again, I forget these things that were clearly an issue.

I dated my uBPD ex g/f for four years while she was still married. I never really got to see her true self till after she divorced and we moved in together. In retrospect, I seen the red flags and hints but could not comprehend till we became really close

I totally agree, it's so hard to see, projection, gaslighting, idealisation, hypersexuality, etc such deception on this scale is... .mental, it's why people don't believe you really that she is mentally ill, that would be outside of peoples experience and would make the world... .different... .radically... .fundimentally. Too much. I accept my part in the RS BUT... .this kind of falsehood could and does happen all too frequently everyday. All around us. Waking up to a fundimental truth of life... .the misfiring of the brain, emotional stability... .abuse, bullying, enabling, power and weakness. Preditor and parasite.

Who would know? The abused when they wake up and therapists

Dating a married woman though... .pretty big flag that she is wrong.

Totally agree. I often blamed myself for what I ended up with. At one point, I truly felt the BPD r/s was divine punishment for dating a married women.