BPDFamily.com

Past week has been tougher than usual, but I'm healing. That being said, I've been going over the relationship a lot in my head and one thing that keeps sticking out is a strong emotional response I was able to elicit from my uBPDexgf. We were in a hotel room in Europe after a night of fun, drinking and dancing. We had a great time and were really enjoying each other's company that night. We were kissing passionately much of the night and it continued when we got back to the room, were just about to make love, then all of a sudden she stopped me. She rejected my advances even though we were having such a good time and there was no other reason to not continue except for the fact that we'd had some blowups about her cold behavior towards me in the weeks prior and hadn't been as intimate. This time was different though. She was acting as passionate as I was and it's like she turned it off when it came time to "consummate" the great night, for lack of a better word. I flipped and basically told her I was done with her, not because of the sex, but because we had been having such a good time and really loving each other when she rejected me as if we'd met that night. I went to take a shower so I could get away from her for a while and she walked into the bathroom and apologized to me, hugged me and started bawling. She cried like a baby in my arms for the next 20 minutes. She told me that night that she hadn't cried like that in a long time. She literally cried her eyes out and I'd never seen her like that. I know BPD's cry to get attention or to play victim in an uncomfortable situation, and I'd seen her cry those types of crocodile tears before, but this time was different. She cried like a baby. I know we can't trust anything they say, but I thought about it and I was wondering if the strong emotional reaction was because of my reaction to the rejection or because she hurting so deep inside and I was responsible for bringing up these emotions that she was so deathly afraid of because I was someone that really was special to her?

You were getting really close to her and she to you, it is why she reacted that way. The push/pull behavior that would intensify. I experienced the same with mine, literally.

Mine did it when we got back together, first time we made love after six months she cried and cried REAL tears! She apologised for her awful behaviour over the past year and I really beleive it was genuine! I had never seen her so emotional... .ever! I truly believed I saw the real woman that night.

Thats why I let her back into my life.

The next day I had the push/pull of lets just be friends/we need to get on with our lives/I love you so so much.

Same old same old.