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Title: Reflecting or Mirroring a BPD's behavior or feelings Post by: breakfreerut on November 25, 2013, 06:00:09 PM Based on the book I'm reading currently "Stop Walking on Eggshells" - Paul Mason
Covers strategies to help non-BPDs to reflect or mirror a BPD's behavior. I'm having trouble trying to do this - if someone can please help me? folie My wife left without telling me or informing anyone. Just took her bags and left and in the midst of a tenancy termination. So it left me with some hard decisions to make. My wife wouldn't answer her phone. She email me quote "I'll be away for awhile". Despite my attempts to ask simple direct questions where, when, and who she's with, she avoided the questions. For 5 days I waited and the week was coming to an end and I had to make a call to pack up and leave the rental with or without her. This was also suggested by my psychiatrists that I was seeing as I'm deeply depressed after 2.5 years or prolonged tension. Now in the light of this life example, how can I practice this "reflect or mirror" a BPD's behavior? Title: Re: Reflecting or Mirroring a BPD's behavior or feelings Post by: Surnia on November 26, 2013, 01:15:54 PM Hi breakfreerut
This is a valid question, perhaps this post could clarify a bit: I used the term "mirroring” in Stop Walking on Eggshells in a section called, “Be a Mirror, Not a Sponge.” What I meant was that when your BP insults you, etc., don’t soak it in, but deflect it off you as if you were a mirror. I made a mistake! The term has another meaning in the psych literature. There, “Mirroring” means acting like another person as a way to show a connection. : This is what Wikipedia says: Mirroring in simplest form is copying what someone else is doing while communicating with them. Observed in people exhibiting similar postures, gestures or voice tonality. This copying or miming includes: Gestures; Movements; Body language ; Muscle tensions; Expressions; Tones; Eye movements; Breathing; Tempo; Accent (linguistics); Attitude (psychology); Choice of words; Metaphors, and; everything discernable in communication. Mirroring happens very naturally when people are conversing. The listeners will typically smile or frown along with the speaker talking to them. If one person throws in sports metaphors, another person, who is in rapport and mirroring, will likely parry along similar lines. Somewhat like a communication dance. There is matching as if it was a dance, while having normal conversation. People do this naturally with their silent body language and spoken words. When meeting people, if you display the same expression as they have, or mirror their expression, they will generally be much more friendly. You might see this related to the way a person accepts their own image when looking in a mirror. To put this on practice "Being a mirror, not a sponge": You stay centered and focused on your self, not to be sucked in in all the drama. You don't take all the emotions in like a sponge, especially in all the mood swings. I think in your situation you did just that. I know its hard sometimes. Title: Re: Reflecting or Mirroring a BPD's behavior or feelings Post by: briefcase on November 26, 2013, 02:48:40 PM Yeah, we don't really "mirror" them. We just practice some healthy detachment and trust our own judgment in times like this.
Is there any background at all to her mysterious departure? Or was it out of the blue? Title: Re: Reflecting or Mirroring a BPD's behavior or feelings Post by: breakfreerut on January 28, 2014, 04:17:02 PM Is there any background at all to her mysterious departure? Or was it out of the blue? Yes there was a background... lots of it. I think it was accumulated. Out of the blue - yes it was certainly! |