BPDFamily.com

My UBPDbf has finally moved out of his house that he shares with his wife (they are separated). I was able to find him an incredible deal at a high end hotel in town for a month to see if he can handle it. He is an admitted snob when it comes to living situations but whatever. I'm happy to see he's making some change in his life though long awaited its nice to see something finally happening. that being said, he seems to only be able to stay in the hotel room when i am there with him. He says that when he is alone he feels desolate, like a complete loser, the world is crushing down on him and he can't breathe. So last night i could not be with him (I have children with my ex husband 50% of the time and it was my night with the kids) and he lied and told me he went to sleep in the hotel room and then went to his house at 5:30 am and sat on the couch and watched tv.  I knew he was lying called him out and he admitted that yes he went home and slept on the couch. I am pretty sure he was always sleeping on the couch at home but I told him that I don' t appreciate him lying to me and would not put up with it. I told him i'm a pretty laid back person and if he just told me I'm lonely I can't deal the room is pressing in on me I'm scared I can't be alone etc... i would have said fine go home. But after reading all these postshere about these people... .I wonder... , I read posts that say "we were separated for 3 years he had a girlfriend and he still had sex with me three times a week" wow. that is just horrible. But I guess thats what you get when you sign up for a relationship with one of these people. How depressing. He said to me today... ."well you seem to be getting what you want... .are you sure you want this? I"m a lot to handle obviously"  I guess this is just more venting than anything but I gues my question for anyone reading this... .can these people ever just be alone with one woman/lover man he is definitely a discouraged borderline. I guess i get him more than anyone has and i'm hte only one wh o has known he has BPD and who understands the disease so I'm hoping it will be better wtih me but am I just kidding myself?

I think you need to understand that a lot of what Borderlines do isn't really typical, it goes on a case by case basis for how that person was raised and their life experiences. I've noticed a lot of cheating going on, on this site. However my husband will not cheat on me. He is strongly against it and has no problems in being in a committed relationship with me, I honestly feel like if it was presented to him he wouldn't even think about it. However, he has serious trust issues that never seem to go away. So while he will never cheat on me he accuses me of it constantly, which causes more problems than him cheating on me would.

Some people with BPD cheat and lie.  Some don't.  It's not one size fits all.  You were right to call him out on the lying though.  Good work applying and communicating a boundary.  You'll need strong boundaries in this relationship because all people with BPD have trouble with boundaries.