BPDFamily.com

How many times did your BPD ex leave you for a Replacement? How kong were they gone and did they come back?

Mine just left for the 2nd replacement in four months. I am so done with this crapola.   

The reality - we were a replacement at some point in all this too... .how is that for sobering.

The last year when we were in MC, mine had 2 that I found out about after the fact.  The "separations" were supposed to be to "find herself" - enter replacement.

It was when I read the journals and also found out I was actually a replacement too... .once this line of coping mechanism is used by a pwBPD - it doesn't change without a lot of T.

What does being done look like for you Earth Angel?

Seeking Balance,

     I am finally at a place where I am done with the drama.  I'm done wondering who she will leave me for and when.

Personally she has made it easy this time.  She has disconnected all forms of communication with me and is dating a friend.

She is a pos.

I am very doubtful there will be any attempt at re engagement. If there is she is not getting a response out of Earth Angel.  She doesn't deserve one.

good for you to take your power back... .letting go hurts, but it is better than the roller coaster.


I know this hurts, you are losing a partner and trust in your friends - this takes time to get through and it is not easy... .it hurts.


Well, they come back around... .not to get back with you necessarily, but there is a need - an attachment and remember BPD is an attachment disorder.  Good advice I got here was to simply focus on me, my grief and my recovery because I was worth it.  Once we understand and feel our own value, we don't tend to want to be with someone who treats us as poorly as our so called friends and expwBPD.

Hang in there,

SB

Seeking,

   Yeah she left me six times in 18mo.  Last two times replacements lined up. The last ome was her ex five states away so that lasted a week and she was back.  This time the chick is 30 min away so I am hoping this lasts awhile.

Yes, this is true.

Have you looked at why you kept going back?

I kept thinking it was me and I could fix it.  One of our last communications I told her I now know there is nothing I could have done, she is incapable of love. It's just sad. 

yeah, I remember the "it is me, I can change" feeling.

Are you in T working on the core stuff of that line of thinking? 

Yes, I am in therapy working on this. I actually started therapy when my ex assaulted me. When we got back together I lied to the therapist. That only hurt myself. I am actively working on fixing myself.

Good for you - we do the best we can in any situation... .sometimes it takes us realizing our own issues before we can change our environment.

Focus on you - you deserve better than you got with your ex.

Peace,

SB

Thank you. :)

My ex, on the day that she raged on me after downing 16 shots of vodka and ended up being strapped down in an ambulance and taken away from me  had told me "I am incapable of love"... .    So true, wish I had listened then... .  she later sd that was not true during recycle #1, but ... .