BPDFamily.com

I have a big problem with protecting my little space in relationship with BPDgf, time for me when out of work. My BPDgf wants me to spend all my time with her, when I am not with her she is getting nervous. Worse thing is when I go to gym or other activities on my own. She got crazy about it, she ask me to choose her or gym... .I feel she wants to control all my time, when she does not know what I am doing after work there are moments she calls me 10 - 20 times! When I go to swimming I dont have my phone with me, so than I am full of stress when she is crying how I could do taht to her... .

Now it comes to situation I am angry with myself, cause to avoid her impulsive emotional attacks just dont go to gym, I am just afraid i think of next anger attack, silent treatment etc... .I feel if I would say to her that I will not meet her one day cause I would like to finish reading book, she would be angry again, punishing me emotionally, switching phone off etc. saying later with hate: I will not meet you, go read your book... .:-/

She is constantly blackmailing me emotionally and I am not strong enough to say stop. And if I say "no" to her, her rages and anger attack starts... .

How to protect myown space without conflicts, avoid all this drama and anger? She is so insecure that I can not have my life. It should not be like that... .

I really can't offer much advice, because I am in the same situation.  15 minutes away from her is about all I can get before she is either calling, texting, or coming to see what I am doing and guilting me into sitting on the sofa next to her.  And then when I do stop what I am doing, she says "I feel bad, I wasn't trying to make you stop what you were doing."

Eventually you pick up on their cues and learn the times when and how to say "no" and in ways that keep them more calm.  But you also need to understand that you can't stop them from raging - carve out your space one inch at a time, and if she rages, she rages.  Just make sure to leave IMMEDIATELY at the beginning of a rage - tell her you cannot deal with this now, and you will leave and come back in a few hours.  You don't want to sit through a rage - they will destroy you.

I would like to offer a perspective that may seem blunt. I work well with simple and blunt advise when it comes to BPD. If you don't like it you can ignore it. I mean no disrespect.   

1. If you like or enjoy the gym, swimming or other personal hobbies or what have you then keep them close.

2. She does want to control you al the time or at the least control the time you are away.

3. Do not give in to her attacks. Trust me you will lose in the end. I have lost my family giving in to my wifes demands and pleas. They never get better.

max is right you can't stop the rage or change how they feel bout what you do. If you beleve everythign you did was honest and true within your own heart and mind then it was ok. They will pin you against you own mind if you let them. The sooner you learn the best techniques to handle rages the better. I spent 11 years not understanding I was dealing iwth BPD and I did not handle them properly at all. I gave in to any and all demands to just end the arguement. Guess what that makes it worse the next time. And there will be a next time.


Do not stop doing activities you enjoy to please her rages or you will regret it big time. I had many friends and many hobbies. I have zero friends and no hobbies I can do that do not include my wife.  Do not be like me.

Sounds way to familiar. In my case though, I am currently broken up from my uBPDgf. I do triathlons, she got interested in them when we were together. But, impossible to train with her... .because she may or may not be painting me black on that day. Now we are broken up, I have some races lined up next year... .she is really hammering me hard to do them with me. Says, she doesn't want to do them alone.

Even being broke up for about 3 months now, and she still wants to do things with me... .even if I'm the most hated person to her... .go figure.

Thank You for responses,

I try to stay strong for myself, try to explain in a good way etc. but her reaction does not change. Once I was in changing room after swimming pool, could not answer her phone earlier, she called again and answering there was the biggest mistake... .Tried to sort out myself after training and swimming, people around and she was screaming and crying for half an hour how could I do it to her... .How I could go there and not to her... .And I was listening and trying to explain myself like a stupid... .When Iasked if I can call later, in a few minutes, even more anger from her... .Than when she finally got tired she cut and phone off... .Typical behaviour of her.

So I really have no more ideas, my patience is on the limit. I am doing normal things, looking after myself getting better, but she can see it as risk for her... .So she puts me down... .I am not sure if I am ready to sacriface my all to satisfy all her not realistic needs... .And sometimes I have impression that are only humors to make sure she is still in control.

And I think my mistake so far was I was listening all her rages, sometimes 2 hours or more till she got tired... .After she feels better cause she released her hate... .But than I am completely distroyed... .brainwashed... .Can not think for next days... .Slowly getting enough... .Very tired and exhausted of that.

Maro12

Why you doing this to yourself? Being patient only will destroy you. Do you know I was being so paietnt and before I turned to 30 I started suffering acute high blood pressure. At the moment I'm taking 13 tablets per day, all stress related! Before I was a very fit and healthy woman and I can't believe what I've done to myself. They rage and they feel much better and we get ruined. I'm packing my stuff to leave on Sunday and he came home and started raging to open my boxes because he doesn't know what I'm packed and when he's at home he doesn't want to look what I'm packed!