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Well I probably made a mistake by going to see my ex uBPDgf, but she wanted to make some things for me for Thanksgiving, so I went to pick them up. While there, my replacement calls. She asked if she could call him back. This hit me hard, and I kinda lost it. This is the same person I have been replaced with a couple of different times. She claims they are just friends, will not admit to anything going on between them although FB tells otherwise. So to try and convince me, she tells me about another guy (who she also calls just a friend) that she has went to a movie with, had breakfast with, etc. And get this, this "friend" is 20 years older than her and retired.

Even though she claims this "new friend" is only a friend, she tells me that she told him she is recently broken up from me... .that if something sparks between them, then it will happen. I don't know, but to me, if you are just a friend with someone you don't tell them... .hey I'm a little vulnerable right now, and eventually there may be a spark between us. That is giving this guy a glimpse of hope for something more, a whole lot more.

Why is she telling me this? Don't get it. She can still continue to say that both are just "friends", but there is constant texting, phone conversations between them. And the FB posts... .all to convincing she is either leading this new one on, or wanting more. Needless to say, this hurts... .and she still wants to be my "best friend"

It sounds like she wants you to be her plan B, or C.

Why are you going back to see her if she causes you pain?

KE151... .good question. She is manipulative, I should have never went back to even get those things.

Oh, and she says she is also "hurting" as well... .

She is like a drowning tiger, you can try to help her, but in the end you are the one who gets killed...   Run for the hills, and dont look back!  You dont deserve to be anyone"s backup plan.

Aahh, the helpless victim... .do you feel the urge to help her... ?

Remember that she knows your weak spots inside and out.

One of my best friends saw me in a very similar scenario. He gave me the best advice that he could. He said... "You need to get as far away from her as you can and stay that way. You can do better than that." I knew at that moment my friend was right and that he cares about me. 

That type of behavior never ends, as a borderline bounces through life trying to deal with her own chaos best she can; it's up to you how long you ride the roller coaster.  I know it's difficult, we've got mixed emotions, strong in both directions, that take a while to unravel, but you need to stop the bleeding first.  Ask yourself, will this woman meet my needs, be trustworthy and treat me with respect moving forward?  If the answer is no, it was a resounding no with mine, then you know what to do.

I think a large part of me wants her to realize that she lost a good thing, that I did treat her better than anyone... .I guess that would be a little revenge for me. But I really doubt should would ever think that.

Ya, I need to stop the bleeding... .I'm tired of wasting energy thinking and ruminating over her... .

At one point you were the most amazing person in the universe to her, her Knight in Shining Armor, and then you got cycled through the disorder, and may have found yourself as the scum of the earth to her.  And it has nothing to do with you, it could have been anyone and everyone, it's the workings of the mind of a person with a serious mental illness.  And then you can be cycled through the pathology again so that she shows up as if nothing has happened and it's all good.  A person with the disorder does not think in terms of 'she lost a good thing', you were both great and terrible, depending on the moment, and one of the most important things is to realize a borderline does not think like you.  Take care of you!

The best revenge is doing nothing at all, and staying nc.  She is her own worst enemy.  Any contact you make, positive or negative, she will use against you, and suck you back into her emotional abyss.  Stay away, stay strong.  :light:

State... .perhaps you should go back and read your initial post here, but put another name in the story instead of yours.  I hope you will see how ridiculous it sounds.  She is making Thanksgiving gifts for you while stringing along two other men, and you still have feelings for her.  Dude, she is playing with three guys at once, likely lying to each one of you about the other by shading the truth about the meaning of each relationship.  And she plays with you by discussing things she knows will be hurtful to you.

And you ask the question, "Why is she telling me this?"  Why are you listening to this?  There is nothing to figure out... .she is telling you who she is.  You are choosing to be a part of it all. 

Stay in the washing machine and get spun around, or get out.  You are in some kind of four sided triangle! 

she is not a nice person. and she hurts people.

if that is what you want, then continue what you are doing.

if you want a nice person, someone who doesn't hurt you, then make a change.

simple in theory, hard in practice. but expecting her to change is illogical.

take your medicine. it will pay off. and one day you will look back and be amazed (and a little ashamed) that you put up for it as long as you did.

as they say, the more sh_t you take, the more you will get.

she is ill. remember that.

b2   

Wow! So right. What clarity. Great reality check, Winston!

To hurt you. And she is succeeding in doing that, by you remaining within her sphere of influence, her "friend". We cannot protect you, my only advice is you need to go NC. NC won't cure you, it will get you the hell out of that deadly sphere you are in. So that you can have the chance, if you are ready, to heal. Hang in there.

Yeah... .what heal says above, especially what I highlighted in red... .

You don't get it because she is "crazy", a disordered and dysfunctional person with BPD. What you see is what you get.

It may be hard emotionally, but don't you have a choice in what you want to do with your life? What things do you want from a "best friend"? Is there dubious intent behind you staying friends, i.e. you secretly wish it would return to being more than friends?

Please understand we are not trying to beat up on you State85. We are all either in similar situations or have been in similar situations as you are in right now. You deserve to be happy, but you also have to choose it. Hang in there. 

Good advice being given here.

I'm just gonna share a bit of what kind of a life exBPDgf(queen) lived prior to meeting me (and partly during our r/s as it would later reveal itself). Not that you ex is living like this, but to show what a BPD is capable of. She was "steady" with five men at the same time:

BF1: colleague at work, married

BF2: a random guy, married

BF3: a customer of hers, married, kids

BF4: ex-husband, re-married, father of her child, father of an infant with new wife

BF5: someone she met through work, married, infant child at home

+ she was always on the lookout for other random guys, online, in bars, through work

She met them for sex at her place, at hotels, their family homes, during business trips, she had sex in cars, public toilets. She used every opportunity to hook up with those guys. She said three of them were so in love with her they were thinking of leaving their wives for her.

So the question from a BPD standpoint who is who's replacement is actually irrelevant, when they're really at it. Vics are all disposable until they are needed.

Get out as fast as you can. I didn't and I paid for it.

Thanks. I'm getting out. I've wasted too much energy and precious time thinking and ruminating about this.

And yes, the best revenge is doing nothing at all... .NC

Thanks to everyone!