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Title: Positive results from hanging up the phone, confused. Post by: Border_Lover on November 29, 2013, 01:56:54 AM Earlier today my emotions got the best of me when my uBPDgf told me I said something which I couldn't remember at the time, and I responded with "when did I say that?" I believe she took it as a denial because she responded by shouting at me, to which I reacted by hanging up on her for the first time in memory. I never usually handle things in such a way. From what I have read I have been lead to believe that doing something like this is the wrong way to handle things. I was expecting things to escalate due to me hanging up, but surprisingly things calmed down, and she even later apologized for yelling at me.
Have I misinterpreted what I have read, or perhaps have I been mislead? Or is it that she responded to me hanging up the phone the way she did due to a perceived abandonment, which in the long run will do more harm than good? Any opinions on this matter would be very much appreciated. Thank you. Title: Re: Positive results from hanging up the phone, confused. Post by: Marcie on November 29, 2013, 02:59:04 AM the way she did due to a perceived abandonment
I would be ready for this to come back at a later time. In the moment perhaps she felt abandoned. Later she may paint you black ruminating about the next time she may feel abandoned by you again. Title: Re: Positive results from hanging up the phone, confused. Post by: Border_Lover on November 29, 2013, 04:20:31 AM the way she did due to a perceived abandonment I would be ready for this to come back at a later time. In the moment perhaps she felt abandoned. Later she may paint you black ruminating about the next time she may feel abandoned by you again. That's what I was afraid of, however I do appreciate the response. Title: Re: Positive results from hanging up the phone, confused. Post by: Border_Lover on November 29, 2013, 04:25:55 AM I am unsure if I am able to edit a post so forgive me for another post.
She is quite aware of her BPD, will discussing that I shouldn't have hung up, and that it brought up abandonment fears, and how it wasn't actually abandonment but rather an emotional reaction much like shouting at me, will this ameliorate the incident? Title: Re: Positive results from hanging up the phone, confused. Post by: Border_Lover on November 30, 2013, 05:43:13 AM Well I haven't mentioned it to her, and after a hectic thanksgiving, which I was expecting, she is now in a strong pull mode.
Title: Re: Positive results from hanging up the phone, confused. Post by: waverider on November 30, 2013, 07:06:41 AM Well I haven't mentioned it to her, and after a hectic thanksgiving, which I was expecting, she is now in a strong pull mode. The confusing thing about BPD is that the established guidelines in dealing with it are just that, guidelines. They are not fixed in concrete. Sometimes the wrong thing is right and vis versa. Sometimes we expect the worse and it doesn't happen and sometimes you can do everything right and the wheels fall off. It is illogical by nature and every one is an individual dealing with a different mix of circumstances. Sometimes when we simply do something completely out of character it can shock them out of behaving in what should be a predictable way. |