BPDFamily.com

I have often wondered what really causes someone to suffer with BPD. I believe there can be quite a few reasons.  In the case of my undiagnosed exBPDgf  she had a mother that suffered from severe depression. Could that have  been  the cause of her BPD?

My ex uBPD said:

She does not know who her real father is. Her mother knows but will not tell her.

Her mother did not raise her for the first couple of years. Her grandmother did.

Mine had a drug using, alcoholic mum, father walked out and she was raised by her gran. Grandfather was a drunk too.

Was sexually abused by her mums BF. The BF was found dead at some point afterwards.

It would have scared you to know the full story.

Come to think of it, my ex's grandfather (same grandmother) was a severe alcoholic. After her mother met her step father (ex father in-law), she was sexually abused by his friend.

The sexual abuse was nothing that she ever told me, but she told my brother. I didn't find this out until I had a conversation with him after the break-up. It's quite the personal thing to tell your brother in-law but not your husband.

Knowing what I know about my ex now... .I don't know what to believe in the things that she says.

I was the only person she had ever told about the sexual abuse

Maybe my ex was trying to get sympathy from my brother and seduce him? She told him this on my wedding day. Maybe she was planning on my replacement then  lol I always sensed she was attracted to him. But, then a lot of the things that she does make no sense and it's just that.

Back on topic though. Maybe someone else here that has a lot more experience than I can answer. To me the reasons are as confusing as the condition because not all of the sources that I have read agree.

I have read from different sources the following reasons and I may be missing some of them or misinterpreting.

... .it happens in utero.

... .they are born with a brain disorder.

... .it's an attachment issue with the mother at a young age.

... .sexual abuse.

... .bad parenting and neglect. High-conflict parents.

Yes this could have been the environmental catalyst.

The most up date research is showing a few of things regarding BPD:

-its genetic and environmental, both nature and nurture, at about a 50/50 split.  So a child with a sensitive or naturally anxious temperment exposed to a variety of environmental factors like neglect, abandonment, invalidating (not necessarily abusive) parenting, and abuse is more vulnerable and less resilient to these factors.

-its an equal opportunity disorder affecting men and women equally.  Male children can be just as sensitive and in need of positive affirmations growing up. So hug those sons if you have them.

-sexual abuse isn't always a factor.  Some people who have been sexually violated are resilient and heal.  It's more of people with BPD may have experienced sexual abuse rather than people who are sexually abused develop BPD.  Physical abuse and emotional abuse can have the same damaging effects.

So if your ex's parent suffered from severe depression, and that depression had the typical patterns depression usually has like isolating oneself, neglecting day to day functioning and regular duties, and sometimes the overwhelming negative emotional state over long periods or cyclical periods of times (sometimes its a lifelong struggle for depression sufferers), and this person has a child who needs more emotional reassurance and stable attachment might not have received it.  This is the type of situation when you step back and look there's a parent with a debilitating illness and a child who can develops one too. 

It's sad state of affairs.

My exBPD had:

  2 professional parents that were married for over 28 years who bought her whatever she wanted for the most part and were around when she needed them or needed them to help with something

  2 younger sisters who were both nice and were in relationships that worked, but I noticed that they were both more stand offish with my exBPD for some reason, seemed like they were not that close

  She was able to work in a professional level job, although I often wondered how she managed to keep from being fired or written up for being late, using her phone when when she knew she wasn't supposed to, she did wind up in trouble in a major way for that a few times.

  Went to college and was in a sorority-But I often wondered why She had no sorority friends that she still talked to or hung out with? 

   Always said that her parents should have got divorced when she was young-that her dad was never around-and finally when she was about 16 years old he apologized for not being around much while he was working out of town

   Who knows the real truth?   I suppose much like other illnesses when the genetic component for the disorder is  soo high maybe the environmental portion doesn't matter as much.   I'm sure there is also something I never found out about, but being around someone everyday for years its weird I never discovered what else there was, but I guess never 'Really' knew the real Her anyway.