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I could finally relax today and find peace in how much more simple my life has become. Enjoy the company of family and pets. And just accept the fact that I can't control very much in this world. I can also look back at memories with much less fear. I still find my mind stuck on her often, but it's not in confusion and intense pain anymore.

I'm still not over it all. I've learned to love her for the mentally ill person she is. Through my understanding of the disorder and her mind. I've been able to accept and empathize with the torture the disorder has brought on both of us. I've been able to let go of much of the pain, because I understand that like a child, she needed to be stopped, controlled to a degree, or let go. I also realize I wouldn't put up with many of the things I put up with, now that I'm not diluted. It was a pointless and damaging exercise to try to operate with someone while they are being irrational because of mental illness. I think I may someday make my career helping people with the disorder. It's just not right that you can give someone every ounce of love and understanding you have, and they can't get it. And they hurt you so deeply in the process. Everyone has a right to be content and happy and hear the messages of love that are sent to them.

Good to hear you are feeling better SuperiorOutlook. One of the hardest things to do is to let someone go and still love them.

Very wise words, Superior.  I'm glad that it was a good day.  It feels wonderful when we can let go of the struggle, even if just for a while.  Minutes, days and hours add up to a lifetime.