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She just texted me asking if I had plans for New Years, if I was taking the kids out of town... .like she was suggesting it. This early, really?

She wants her freedom, let her do it somewhere away from my house. I have no problem sitting at home doing nothing on New Years after I put my kids to bed. She'd better be out by then, and I will definitely be pushing. She's shameless. The "poor mom looking for a new home for her and her kids while walking on eggshells thing," while enjoyable to me from a certain point of view, is tiring.

Shaking my head too, man... . Sometimes I just wanted to shout GROW UP at my exBPDgf!  

Hang in there, keep on moving to move on... . 

I would tell her if she is still for some reason living there with you at that time that you will fully expect her to stay home and help with the kids.  Why do you see yourself as a doormat for this woman to do whatever she wants?  Sometimes not standing up and just letting things go is not "being the bigger person."  It's okay to set boundaries and expectations and place value on your needs.  You are taking care of this woman still - with all she has done.  The very LEAST she could do is have some respect for you.  You won't get it if you don't demand it.

Just my take.  Also - it might force her to make a move.  When she sees she can't flit around using you and doesn't have the freedom to go play with her other man - she may get on getting out of there so she can.

Which is better for you!

I  get it,  Lady,  it's just that I have no control when I  am gone.  I'm already going for Christmas with the kids for almost 3  days. I  want to get her out,  get her key,  and then change the deadbolt.  I'll talk to her tonight since she's the one bringing up new year's already.

I picked up the kids,  put d1 down since she fell asleep in the car ( she was soo glad  to see me when I picked them up, I  could eat her up, I  love her so). cooked dinner for us. bbqd  awesome teriyaki chicken.  she came homea little later,  asked if she couldhave some ( hshe walking on eggshells,  awesome). I  said sure.  baked some cookies,  too.  she complimented me on the chicken,  asked about new year's,  but she said since she wanted them to spend it with her family. I  said no problem. I  have plenty of options for such a night,  but don't feel like abandoning my kids.  probably  sit at home,  drink some,  go to bed early.  maybe I'm being too hard on her... .  our maybe I'm still letting myself be gaslit.

Either way, you can't win. LOL

Just do whatever you feel like doing. She's going to be mad either way.

Far out T, I am so in awe of your patience with this woman, she makes me extremely glad I didnt have any children with my uBPDx

I take my hat off to you T, your a fantastic example to dads everywhere.