BPDFamily.com

well, here I am again. It had been a lovely and long Summer, with holidays do Greece even. But now the big heary monster is awake. Mainly because I didnt want to apply for a officer job advert he found, and, instead opted for the adm assistant one(I was being real for once, and vulnerable, just wanting him to say: oh, yes you can apply, sort of thing). All the yelling and accusation as we are all very familiar.

I come from a broken home, where my mother died when i was seven and I was raised by a loving 'on his own way' dad, who maltreated his wives and didnt make life very easy for me.

My undiagnosed BPD husband's father left when he was 5 and he was to blame.

So few days before the episode about the job,  i said: Now that we have kids(son 4 and daughter 10 months) i see how cruel life has been to us, now that we have young children, we cannot imagine them going through  losing their mum, being abandoned,how possibly all this bad happened to us at such a young age?

He become a bit unsettled and only felt pity for himself obviously, but life carried on for few more days.

(do you think this comment could have triggedered his emotions? or would (the disregulation come anyway?)

After the problem with me applying for the job, i left the room as soon as the yelling started, and we havent made up yet - its over 14 days.

Our son's 5th birthday is on Thursday, so , yesterday, i tried to approach him to'talk', meaning I was ready to say sorry for all my fault in everything - and he not only didnt listen but carried on the verbal abuse.

I know, i shouldnt be apologising... .but i was so desperate to get him stable for our son's birthday.

today things were even worse, to the point where I had to say he was abusing m verbally, which cause great distress in him, as he works with young people and abuse is a BIG bad word.  he threw the phone at me and asked me to call the police if i think its really abuse. I just went upstairs.

I picked our son from school, cooked dinner, did the laundry, did the shopping online for our son's party- still looking after the baby, and he only came down from 'his office' to eat. After children were asleep - with me bathing, changing, putting to bed, he came to complain about the roast chicken , rice and peas i cooked! Saying i only have to cook 1 meal a day and end up cooking such a horrible meal, subjecting our children to this life.

Please, i am so fed up! I am the most easy going, take it all , kind of person, but he is getting on my nerves.

Abusive language is so hard. How to we survive this?

I am feeling so disheartened .Its so unfair. I have no choice but to stay.

I am finding it so hard.

Do you have any boundaries to deal with abuse?

There is obviously a need to break a cycle here.

Dysregulation is not your fault,. You can do things to lesson the risk, and defuse it, but rarely avoid it altogether.

Dont dwell on could have, should haves. Try to focus on what to do next. Which will mean bringing boundaries and actions into the open. It may make get worse, but you can't just let it simmer.

Thank you waverider, yes i need to take action, but I am finding it so hard at the moment, maybe I only needed to vent it a bit here with you guys...

On top of it our son has got chickenpox (day 2) so i think the baby will get it too.

Few stressful days ahead.

I am reading loads about NPD and the connections between the BPD. Because my h is undiagnosed, the more i read the more i understand what i am dealing with, and that it is not only my mind who thinks its crazy.

I am married for 10 years and have 2 children.

The silence treatment and lack of empathy is destroying me. specially wiht 2 kids and leaving abroad.

Thank you for reading!