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Friend spent all day with me, he helped me sort lots of things out, I went shopping for him, asked if we should go out for the evening. No. So we stayed in and played darts.

He won three times, great, though it was a near thing, and he said 'I was afraid you were going to win for a minute'.

Then he asked where the insulating tape was; I found it and gave it to him. He asked me to help - but I didn't know with what. Then I noticed he was going to measure the distance to the darts board and stick the tape on the floor. As he has already drawn a big red line on my new parquet floor - without asking me - I said I didn't want tape on the floor. Meltdown. He said 'you're so stupid, so stuck in your little world, you don't understand anything' .after some ranting, he collected his things together (things I gave him, I bought him) and said 'I'm going, no use staying here, I'll join a jesuit closter'. I tried to calm him, said, it's ok ... he said 'no it's not' and left.

And I just feel lousy now. Don't know what to do next.

My vehicles and house have been messed up since my uBPDh moved in.  It's like they have no respect for anything they didn't earn or buy.  It's frustrating because I work hard, too and stains, rips, holes, busted windshield, tar in the back, knobs broken, doors bent, dents, that's just the vehicles... .house, holes, stains, doors, walls, etc... .I mean, I didn't live in a palace, just a middle class decent house, no "new" furniture, but what I had was decent... .broken coffee table, ripped up vinyl, broken windows, broken stove... .They just don't care.  I've busted my butt for 12 years to keep that house and it's frustrating.

Good luck and don't sweat it.  Establish your boundary now or you'll be in my position. He'll pout and maybe say you don't love him or care, but that's his own emptiness.  Learn to detach a bit now.

Thanks for answering so quickly. Helps me not to feel so alone and helpless. I think I will just ignore it and act as normal, as if nothing has happened.

What you decribe sounds familiar. Sorry you are having so much bother, it's really hard sometimes.

Tried the SET system after all... went to his place, told him I don't like leaving on such an unpleasant note, and worked hard on SET. It seemed to work. Although I did have to putt up with a lot of jibes... .but I didn't back down.