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Tonight is my third annual holiday party in my first house.  

Last year my ex dumped me right after this party.  This year she is out of the picture.  

Planning and prepping has not been easy.  I love Linda Eder.  She is a wonderful singer.  We were supposed to see her for my birthday when she dumped me a week before the concert.  She offered to still take me but only as friends... .since she had a new girlfriend.  

No thanks!  I'm good.

I never anticipated popping in one of her CDs again much less this holiday season  Here I sit typing with one of the most beautiful versions of Ave Maria playing in the background. This voice with both strength and vulnerability.  I myself am a singer, this is my love and passion. I'm sitting here feeling like myself again.   I'm sipping water, noshing on chili cheese dip at 8am CST.  Crazy, but I need to test before serving all my guests  

Do I miss my ex? I miss her nuzzling me at the party.  I miss her telling me how proud she is of me and how I am a good host and great girlfriend... .

But I don't miss her running away days later leaving me broken for two months.  Spending the holidays alone.  :)umping me on NYD or any other holiday (which was quite normal).

My relationship wasn't a very sexual one.  The more she left the harder that was for me. But I think our intimacy was so much stronger emotionally and may attribute to why things were so turbulent.

I know in my heart she did me a favor leaving me for my friend.  In the past my replacements were out of state.  This one is here in Illinois.  I am grateful for her being so pre occupied I can enjoy my holidays, organize my life that fell apart in this relationship and get back on track.  

I am also grateful she has painted me pitch black.  As much as that feeling hurts, knowing you were really good to someone and they think the opposite it is part of the illness. If she were a well person she would have that appreciation.  

As for my former friend, I was angry but now I pity her. She has no idea what she is up against.  I can start 2014 with a clean slate.  She is set for turbulence and a whirlwind of emotional carnage she never imagined.  

Happy Holidays, everyone!  





I am calm. I am content and at peace in the moment.  

This breakup has been easy and hard.  Easy as in she has done this so often I

So great, earth angel.

You are brave and awesome and strong. 

From all my heart: Have a funny and joyful party.

Thanks, Sarnia.  Its a crazy group.  Should be a lot of fun.  I'm really looking forward to it.

Everyone here truly makes a remarkable journey... .I am happy to hear of your progress.  I have found recently how true it is that the healing process is not a linear one- it is full of ups and downs, even 7 months out.