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I suspect my ex had been sexually abused since he had weird reactions during sex, and once he seemed to dissociate, another time he got a demonic look on his face... .it was really the weirdest experience of my life which led me to believe he had been sexually abused.  He also told me stories about being an exhibitionist when he was a child which made all the adults around him laugh.  I don't know why, but I've been thinking about this side of things a lot.  Any thoughts?

I know that mine wasn't sexually abused but he had experiences that made him sexually ashamed.

Sex is how BPD primarily manifests with him ... his behaviour during sex sometimes got weird - he said strange thinsg - and I mean strange. I know we all do and say stuff during sex but ... .this was off-the-charts sometimes.

Sex is a weapon, a tool, a release, a power struggle (he always spoke of wanting to 'dominate me' ... not in a BDSM way, it was much more ... fundamental than that)... .he is completely screwed up sexually but, besides work, it is the only thing he seeks ... it's constant ... he cheats, lies, deceives and creates secrets all based around sex ... .the majority of his pathology is noticeable only when looked at through the  lens of his sexuality it seems to be where some of them can actually let the mask slip ...

Towards the end of the relationship with my exBPD during sex she would always say "I love you" and I would as well.   I would kiss her passionately at the end and it was like she turned away or didn't want to.   Meaningless words from her part just to keep her supply of sex going.   I don't think she wanted to kiss towards the end, she just wanted more meaningless sex.   The kissing was just too intimate for her to accept-   You can never be close enough to them ... .and if you get that close they can never get you far enough away... .true story. 

Thanks for sharing your stories Scotisgone and damage control. 

Mine said that he couldn't enjoy sex without kissing, and that it (kissing) was really important for him.  But, near the end, as he started to withdraw, every time we kissed he would react as if it was burning him... .he would take these sudden sharp breaths, as if to brace against pain (I suppose triggered by intimacy).

I don't know how much he sought out sex from others, but I did witness him trying to get away from a woman who was all over him once... .a friend of his even asked if he needed help getting away from her.  In the end that woman got the better of him in a big way (they slept together but since she was his boss's girlfriend he lost his job)... .