BPDFamily.com

Hello, its been a few months now since I last visted and posted on this site and im pleased to ssy everyone who is suffering out there with a marriage break up or ended relationship even though it hurts so much, I can honestly and truly say time is a great healer. As for me its been nine months now... .still dont know where my h is living/location. I hear he still working which I guess is a good thing, but as for me im in a new relationship now... .and yesy h jas found out and after not hearinf from him for several months I get txts saying " I hear your in a new relationship now just hope hes treating u good, dont u ever forget what ive done for u, how I cared for u... .etc... .then it all turns about him! Since he found out ive slowly moved on he randomly txts me... .now thr latest connection is that hes going to stop paying for the joint loan / which he has always paied for... .but the nxt mon hes asking me how I am how our pets are etc... and to take care of myself. Ove also began to have the silent phone calls... .where I answer say hello like 4 times and I clealry know its him as the number is witheld but he wont speak... .so my question to u is... .why do they do that? I dont understand it?

I had a phone call a few months back ... beggong me back that h loves me mosses me but admitted to sleeping woth someone else. ... which I already knew hence why our marriage broke up cause im stronger than he is so I left him... .I realsied I didnt deseve to be treated in tjat disrespectful and hurtful way  when all I ever did was love him!

So my quesyions are,

Will the calls become.more frequent?  Why call and not speak but listen to my voice?

Is there a reason for this? Will I see him face to face ever again? I have been informed when jis romance disolves... he will appear show his face? Turn up at my door/work? Is this true, has this happened to anyone else?  Any advice much appreciated.

Thank u

after 9 months it sounds like you still want him to show up?

Yeah I kina do and I dont. I mean im curious who wouldn't be and also tjere os alot still unsaid.  Dont get me wrong im.getting on woth my new life now but why he still randomly contacting me?

Please has anyone got any advice?  Im getting witheld phone calls now... .but he not speaking... .u can hear a pin drop its dead silent? Why?

Hey stronger,

In my experience, pwBPD will engage in all sorts of stalking behavior, including following you, calling and saying nothing, checking you out on social networks, leaving notes on your car, showing up unexpectedly at your door, or your workplace.  Suggest you be careful here.

That said, what do you really want?  Are you kind of hoping/wishing that he will get back in touch?    If so, that's OK, but suggest you think this through a little before you jump back in the BPD waters.

Lucky Jim

It's either he's too ashamed or he's punishing you in a way. I'm

9 months out from my second BPDexgf and after a FB creeping incident at a bar exactly one month after our break up, she's sent me blank emails in almost exactly 4 month increments. I'm torn between whether it's punishment or trying to reconnect but too ashamed to know how to approach me. Since I outed her as cheating on both of us to my replacement I kind of assume its punishment, but she may just be too ashamed to approach me like an adult. She gave me the old "Right now I don't think I ever wanna talk to you again. Don't text, call, or email me", to which I said oh don't worry, I won't. And haven't. That part makes me think she wants to connect again. That and after the first blank email which I responded to very briefly, she admitted to wanting sex.

Sounds like yours is trying to reconnect but has too much shame to approach you knowing you have moved on. Who knows though... .

Hi thank you for all your replies it really does help to talk to people who understand what I'm going through and how emotional it can be. Do u think that this will be the beginning or end to this sinario? ? I havnt filed for divorce yet it hasnt been lwow enough apart for.me to afford it but I will defo be doing it as I cant live a life full of lies!

U said I need to be carful why? In a way I did want to see him face to face, but after thinking hard about it its probably in my best interests not to see him as I believe when it all goes wrong for him ith the person hes with , jis illness will bring him back to me then I will have my say, not that it will make much difference but at least I can say how I feel . direct ly to him wjat do u all think?

Thanks again for the responsrs and any more advice would really help to ease my mind

Also I know hes too ashamed to face me... .as all I ever did was love him. We at the times had just got accepted for a morgage our first home together... .he wasaking out he was so happy stupuedly over the top excited like a child and all the time he was cheating on me. So I left our marriage and cancelled the morgage and moved back with family for safty.

stronger123,

Every person with BPD is unique, so it's hard for us to say what will happen next with your ex.    I know it's hard to let go completely.  Your feelings are very normal, but I don't see any good coming from seeing your ex in person.  There is no reason to think that things will be any different than they were before, and in fact, it could feel more painful for you.  You know yourself better than we do, so of course it's your decision, and we are rooting for you to do what's best for you.

What do you want to happen in your life right now?

Yes you are correct, it wont do me any good seeing him face to face as it will prpbably just hurt me even more. My doc did say to me that I dont want to see him . So I should be tjank ful in a way that ive got a second chance in which im.very happy in my new relationship its just I feel there has been so much unsaid/ solved the way we broke up when I left him. His last face to face response to me was " I will see u later on" what the hell does tjat mean? 9 months later still aint aeen him, dont know where hes living ither he so clever huh? Do u tjink he will retirn? Or never see him again?