BPDFamily.com

I'm just rambling... .  I'll likely come back and edit this or add more.

I often read the "supporting a kid w/ BPD" board.  I know I shouldn't, because it's so triggering for me.  One thing that really hurts the most is seeing how far many parents would go to help their children.  They mention paying for expensive hospitalizations and facilities, driving out to visit on weekends, searching around the country for the right place, waiting for hours and hours in the hospital emergency rooms, paying for medication, paying for therapy, learning validation skills, wanting to spend time with their kids and actually caring whether they feel sad... . 

I remember when I was a teen, I worked at a fast food place with a drive-thru, and on the first day I watched a training video that told us that if there was a robbery, to give the robber the money.  The video said that we were worth more than the money.

What triggered this, just now, was reading the manual for my new phone (yep, I do that kind of thing!).  It has a section about using the phone while driving, and mentioned that our safety was worth more than any call.  That reminded me of the above. 

The "what to do if you get robbed" video I watched as a teen really made me happy, because I had never heard anything like that before!  It just felt so neat, that someone out there thought that my life was worth more than a few hundred dollars.  I remember when I got home that night, mentioning it to my mom.  It gave me that warm, fuzzy feeling. 

I have no self-worth.  I have pretty good self-esteem, and I'm aware that I have good qualities and do some things well, but I feel these traits were allocated to the wrong person.  I feel as though I just don't exist.  I like that I notice the other non-existers, though.  I see them sometimes, at the store, or at restaurants. 

I'm pretty new here but something you said struck a chord with me. I know I have good traits but can't come to terms that they belong to me. The fact that you are here on this board, that we all are, should speak volumes to your better qualities. Thank you for sharing your user manual inspirations!