BPDFamily.com

I get to believe that whe can get those same deep feelings in a SANE relationship?

What do you think?

my past relationships have been erased I feel.

Do you mean intense feelings?

Maybe a 'sane' relationship won't push our own buttons in the same way so at first we will miss the intensity and drama. This is something I'm currently struggling with.

I don't really know.lol, I'm asking the question, hopefully someone has passed through our situation and can give light us up on this

You mean the intense feelings experienced in the idealization period? If so, then the answer is no. For me, in my relationships prior to my exUBPDgf, the honeymoon period(idealization with pwBPD) transitioned into a plateau line from the spike upwards of honeymoon period. A period where my partner and I did not need to constantly be around each other and that was just fine. With my exUBPDgf, as soon as it got a little into the plateau line(especially in round 2) is when she got triggered and transformed into that godawful Janus-faced entity. It went from pure intensity to emotional starvation at the end. There was never a just fine period. It was all over me and then all not over me. Literally. In my sane relationships prior, there was the gray area in the middle.

I don't know either. And it may be for each individual be different.

I realized that for me it was often more difficult to be happy and in a flow with healthy people. Being with unhealthy partners I felt safe, I was the stable one which covered my low self esteem. 

Well said.

I know this has been true for me. It makes me think I may have never been in a SANE relationship. I have had Deep feelings recently. Many of them due to the complexities of being run over by the pwBPD that, as I contributed to triggering her, did a hit and run while I helped steer. The pain and confusion have kept me preoccupied, avoiding healing. Accepting life was often low, where any ups were legendary. We can project our bad perceptions onto ourselves, which is a change for the worse, or put the pieces together better now that we have found it possible to do. Then we'll be healthy people.

i saw a counselor and she gave me some news i did NOT want to hear:  said i would never be able to have the same deep deep - intense - feelings from just one source.   she said i'd have to spread it out... .find a little here, a little there.  some new hobbies, new sources of enjoyment/love/contentment/excitement/interest/thrills/esteem/etc. 

she seemed to be saying that what you experience in a BPD r/s is not normal and don't expect to find it again. 

what i've researched on my own seems to indicate that the intensity of the BPD r/s comes from childhood wounds and is a Trauma Bond.  so, in order to have the same deep feelings i'd probably have to have  another trauma bond.  ummm, no thanks.

seriously, i did grieve thru this process of letting go, of wanting her back so badly, of wanting that intensity back so badly, of feeling like my previous r/s's and my previous feelings of love were chopped liver in comparison.  now, 10 months out, i'm coming to terms that it's actually a blessing for me to not experience that intensity again.  after all, it nearly killed me once.

did that answer your question, marinro7?

Good question.  I've been learning that intensity ≠ intimacy.  I tell myself that I am looking for intimacy, but in the past, I know I've been avoiding it.

A while ago I read something about conditioning that really struck me personally:

"Traumatic experiences from your past have created automatic responses to signs of emotional danger. Your past may have conditioned you to associate insecurity with attraction. The adrenaline rush created by the fear of abandonment has become confused with the yearning of romantic love. You can no longer differentiate love and emotional hunger."

~ Susan Anderson