BPDFamily.com

This message board was recommended to me by another person on this site. My situation revolves around my mother. She has never been formally diagnosed. She outright refuses to seek any help... .constantly saying there is nothing wrong with her. I am the target of her anger 99% of the time... .even if I have nothing to do with the situation. My father does not say much... .he often agrees with her or goes on what she says without getting the entire story. My younger brother (who mind you is A LOT bigger than me) takes what my mom says as gold. If I upset her... .he literally beats me up. He has grabbed me by my throat, thrown me around, bit me, and so much more. She has so many personalities, and she constantly makes me feel worthless. With people she has just met she is sweet as pie. As time progresses she becomes this person who lives to stir up trouble with gossip and rumors. After a while she gets to a point where she has nothing nice to say about the people she knows and often talks behind their backs. I have dealt with being the person she puts down for my entire life. It got worse after I moved out... .or maybe I just notice it more now that I am not around it all the time. I am bipolar... .I regretted being diagnosed almost immediately. My mom blames my disorder for nearly everything. Her solution... ."pop a pill". Growing up things were difficult. At one point it got so bad I resorted to self harm... .I just wanted to feel something other than beat down. (I know that logic makes zero sense) I have grown up with little self esteem, and often feel like I can do nothing right. I just don't know what to do.

Hi misfit2213,

It can be very upsetting when you feel like you're the target of someone's anger for a long period of time, and I know how painful it is to grow up with a mother with BPD.  

Do you live with your parents and brother? What kind of support do you have for yourself?

From what you've said, I'm concerned about your safety. Have you developed a safety plan for yourself? Please take a look at this: Safety First (https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety_first.pdf), which can help you work out a safety plan.

Please keep us posted on how you're doing.

No I do not live with my parents. I live in a home of my own with my son and my wife. My brother is 24 and is still living with my parents. I have not developed a safety plan yet, but it was brought up to me yesterday so I am going to try and figure something out. As of right now, I am just trying to keep my head above the water. My wife is my main source of support. She and my son are the only one's who make me feel good about myself. I really in all honesty don't know what to do. I feel stuck. I'm honestly not sure what I should do next.

Well... .if I were your friend in real life, I would advise this.

See a therapist ASAP and figure out where to go from here. I would cut off contact immediately until you work out with the therapist what you want and how you want to implement your plan/boundaries. You deserve better than this, your wife and child deserve better than this.

It sounds like your family situation has made your life a hell for a while and you shouldn't have to put up with it another day. If not for you, do it for your family. Your family, the people you are responsible for, is you - your wife - your child. I say it's time for lockdown mode, put yourself with them in a virtual panic room and reform how you are going to live your life before coming out. Coming out being, decide how you want your relationship with your family to be from now on.