BPDFamily.com

Hello,

I have not been on for a long while because I haven't had access to internet (still spotty) and I've been doing pretty well and for the firs time felt I was moving forward an inch or two.

Anyway, this may possibly be the stupidest, weirdest question but here goes and I hope no one will judge me or think that I'm crazy.  Also, I don't even know what board to put this on but thought I would talk about it here as everyone here is always so kind yet honest.

As I said, I have been feeling stronger and not hating myself quite as much.  I was trying to stay positive and stay in a good, healthy place.  It was really working.  I bought a gratitude journal and wrote in it every night.  I was feeling more like myself.

My husband and I went to a rescue shelter to volunteer and came home with a dog.  My whole life I have wanted a dog but never had a pet except for fish.  We just got him last Monday.  From Monday to the weekend I was a kid in a candy store.  Then, on Saturday our dog started exhibiting some behaviors that weren't positive.  And yesterday we went to a friends house for a small get-together and she wanted us to bring him and we did and he urinated on her carpet even though he's never done that in the house.  Because I know his sad story I immediately worry that he is distressed.  I don't know what to expect with a dog.  And I looked up separation anxiety and he exhibits much of it so we're working on that.

Tonight, I got home before my husband so I took him out to go for the first time by myself.  It did not go well.  When my husband came home I had a melt down and told him our dog hated me and that I felt overwhelmed by everything (full time job and a fulltime position as a volunteer for a charity).  I told him I didn't want the dog anymore but never would give him up because he had been through so much.

A friend and I talked about it and she said it may also be that for two decades it's just been my husband and I and now I feel a sense of freedom.

I don't know what it is... .full moon, loss of freedom, projecting on my dog - but I have felt such anxiety the past three days.  I feel like I'm going backwards.

Wow, I just read over this post and I think I definitely sound nuts. 

But I am going to post it anyway.

Sorry for the ridiculousness of this post.  I mean, who gets anxiety over a puppy?

Dogs are absolutely awesome, no one does unconditional love better.  But you may need a little time to build a relationship.

When you adopt a dog, which is a pack-oriented, social animal similar to humans, in their head you become the leader of their pack, the alpha male and alpha female.  :)ogs have very definitive personalities, and if you first notice it and then connect with it, there is no better friend, of course dogs, like humans, are all different, but they aren't tough to connect with, and once you do, you'll have a loyal companion for as long as you want.

Anyway, if the dog's been in a shelter your home is new to him, and it will take a while, just a few weeks, for him to feel at home and safe.  Also, dogs won't sht where they sleep, smart that way, but you do need to teach him where it's OK to do the deed.  Some breeds are very territorial too, and will protect your home against any and everything once it becomes their home to and you've bonded.

I had two dogs, the oldest lived to 16 1/2, and they were definitely family.  The male only knew two places, home and everywhere else, and while he never peed in the house he would pee in other people's houses because he considered it all "outside".  Knowing that, I just didn't take him inside, especially if they had a dog, because he'd pee to mark his turf, the little tuff guy.  Some men are like that too.

Puppies are great because you can train them to be any kind of dog you want, within the parameters of the instincts of their breed.  But watch it when they get to about 18 months, the teenage years for a dog, they will mess with you and defy you just because they can, just like teenagers, but after that they become super cool.

Please give it time.  Not only will a dog not create any anxiety, they are absolutely great at removing it.  Please pet him for me.

Crate train!  :)  Also? he was uncomfortable at your friends and was marking his territory. Be patient, as with a child, it takes time and also? chillax, animals sense your mood and react. 

Animal rescue is my gig, because animals you can 'rescue', people, not so much

CiF

sheepdog

   About 5 years ago we picked out a puppy that was mostly beagle.  At 8 weeks she was adorable!  It turns out that she was also Jack Russell Terrier.  Our dog did nothing but bite, chew and be hyper 24 hours a day.  My D and I went to Puppy Kindergarten class and I had the worst pupil!  She would just gnaw on me when held and told to settle down.   I exercised her extra: hoping she would tire out. 

   I have had dogs all my life and raised them from puppies, etc.  I never ever owned a dog who would not cuddle or show any affection.  After 7 months I broke down and thought that I would never be able to love this dog and have any kind of decent relationship.  My D talked me into hanging in there.

   Thank goodness she did!   The dog is now my best friend and definitely loves me.  She cuddles and is a great companion. She can even travel on trips and sleep in motels. My mother stated at her last visit, that she thought that was one dog would never settle down. My dog still has high energy, but she now controls it.

   If you are anxious, the dog will sense it.  Definitely do crate training and go for lots of walks.  It is good for the two of you.  I had to buy a harness so that I could control her, but it does the trick.  Keep in mind that you are probably extra busy this time of year and the dog will sense that also.   I personally would let the dog get use to your house and the two of you, before taking her to other people's houses.  Reward, reward and reward good behavior.  Get mini biscuits and use them as rewards.  Usually the first thing a dog is taught is to sit.  Check out the internet for suggestions on how to do the best training, enroll in a class or get a good book.  Also, make sure that your tone of voice is calm and give simple directions.

   Hang in there and good luck. 

                                                                          Tightrope Walker

   

  Sheepdog,

Congratulations on your new friend.  You are not crazy, puppies can be overwhelming!  And a couple of weeks is not much time at all.

I am a volunteer dog trainer / behaviorist at my local shelter.  Dogs take at least two weeks to settle into their new environments.  During this period they can be on abnormally good or bad behavior or a little of both. You may also see another settling period in six months. 

One thing I can suggest is that you and your husband enter into a basic training class with your new friend.  This will help bond you to one another.  You can all go to class together.  Look for one that uses positive reinforcement methods.  Animals, like people, respond better to positive reinforcement.

If you need more specific help please feel free to message me.  Good luck!

-Bananas     

Trust me, I get that you feel overwhelmed right now, but you are going to end up loving this dog, and it really will help with your anxiety.  As others have said, it takes them a couple of weeks to feel at home and to get the lay of the land, so to speak.

I just recently rescued two "death row" pitbull puppies, and eight months in, I am hopelessly in love with them.  When I first brought them home though, I was crying and ready to take them back to the shelter within my three-day buyer's remorse period. 

One was found wandering the streets as a seven-week old puppy and we have no idea how long before that he was separated from his mother.  He had not been around humans, or kids, and he was a handful and a half.  The other was the last of a litter and the people got sick of housing her and feeding her, so while she had a home, she was not well taken care of and had zero socialization. 

For the urinating, as someone else said, definitely crate train.  When mine would go outside where they were supposed to, we would have a potty party in the yard, with cheers and treats.  The female did great; the male is a work in progress.  He will not go in his crate, ever, and for the most part goes outside, but refuses to do number two anywhere but the kitchen floor.  We are in the process of "transplanting" his poop outside, taking him out to smell it, so he can figure out where he's supposed to go.  The vet surmises this is a result of him never having had a "home" and always going outside and that this might take a while with him. 

One had horrible separation anxiety and our vet recommended a Kong.  It has been a Godsend for us.  Whenever I'm leaving her, I fill a Kong, and she stays busy and all is well. No more whining, no more messes in the crate because she's mad.  I have also used stuffed hooves which keep them busy for at least a half hour to 45 minutes when I don't have anything to stuff the Kong with.

I second the dog training.  We just did the basic class at Petsmart to get us going, and while it isn't the best training class out there, it was affordable and convenient, and we were able to build on training from there.

My vet recommended the book Seven Days to a Perfect Puppy.  I never did the tethering part of it literally, but some of the stuff in the book made a world of difference in both puppies. 

The biggest thing that has made a difference for me with my two is daily walks, one at a time, so that we have one-on-one time with each other each day.  Since implementing this, they seem to listen to me better than they did even with the training.  I do do reinforcement training with them each day for ten minutes or so, but they live for our walks together, and once we get home they just act better.  Remember, a bored dog can be a bad dog, so make sure she gets lots of exercise.

Another thing I loosely used was the "two-week shutdown" with my two.  You can Google it.  It seems pretty extreme, but because mine are pits and this was a new house, I credit the TWS for the way my dogs interact.  Of course, they know I'm the pack leader, but because they had time to adjust, never had to jockey or fight for position, they have done amazingly well. 

I wish all new puppies who came from unknown backgrounds came with a month's supply of Valium for the owner just to make the getting acquainted period easier to go through.  In my case, I don't know what I was thinking taking in two puppies at one time.  As well as I can remember the sky-high anxiety levels in the beginning, I would not trade my dogs for the world now.  They keep my anxiety levels low, they keep me motivated if for no other reason than they need that walk, and when we snuggle at the end of the day for bed, it makes the hell we went through those first couple of weeks totally worth it.

Hopefully things are settling down a bit, but if not just give it a little time.  It will get better, I promise!

Sheepdog,

   How is the dog situation going?

                                                 Tightrope walker

you certainly do NOT sound nuts.  A dog is a new responsibility and is very needy sometimes.  Especially one in a shelter.  You are already taxed emotionally.  If you decide to give up the dog, he will find someone new, but see if things get better.  Hang in there.  All new situations bring anxiety at first, especially when you are already put upon.

Thank you, everyone!  I have tried getting on bpdfamily several times in the past few weeks but it wouldn't let me in... .

Anyway, we kept the dog.  To say I am happy about this is an enormous understatement.  I have fallen madly, totally, completely in love with him!

He just brings so much joy to my life.  And it's true - dogs really can sense your anxiety.  Once I just give in to how much I loved and wanted him, it all fell into place.

I'm upset with myself that my first reaction to the new situation was to give up.  I am exploring that and analyzing that.

As well as the fact that I thought I was going to 'break' him somehow.  He's already suffered so much and I did not want to contribute.

He is one of the very best parts of my day and I love him with my whole heart.

Thank you for your encouraging words!

I am so happy to hear this.  Hope he provides love and comfort for years to come.  My family adopted a dog when I was about 14, and at first she was just biting everything and wasn't all that affectionate.  We planned to give her away.  Somehow, we didn't end up doing it, and we had her for 14 years.  Around age 2 she became the most loving, sweetest companion ever.

This is so cool.  You started this thread about 6 weeks ago, fear, anxiety, and now the pooch is your buddy.  I love it when that happens.  It just takes a while for a dog to get comfortable in a new home, and now you get the love overdose.  Enjoy each other!