BPDFamily.com

Dear bpdfamily,

I finally completed my book as of yesterday.  I managed to finally complete it even after being tossed out of an 8 year relationship.   Very slow finish to be sure.

And much to my displeasure and chagrin, there was literally no one to celebrate it with!  In my despair, I almost called/texted the expwBPDgf.   So tempted.  Really the first time I really wanted to call her.  Maybe it was to hear the congratulations.  Or maybe it was to say, frck you, I'm still succeeding despite your devaluing.  Most likely, though, I wanted to hear her say that she was proud of me.  And, to be honest, to admit that she actually missed me. 

None of these scenarios would have occurred, of course.   They don't exist in her mind.   Only mine, more's the pity.  So, I didn't call or text.  I knew it was a terrifically bad idea.  Yay me for sticking to my guns.

Can I share that I wrote about her in the book?   It was mean, actually, even though it's couched in a humorous section in the book.   I think I may have to change a name there to make sure that she doesn't get the idea that I was actually talking about her... .  But I'm sorely tempted to leave it in.  To get even a bit.   Bad idea, huh?

Be well friends! Thanks for listening.

D

TakingWingAtLast,

Congratulations!  I think it's fantastic that you wrote a book- get out the bubbly!  |iiii  Finishing a book is really something to be proud of, and add to that that you put yourself first by not reaching out to the ex.  I think it's just great– lots to be proud of.

As for the revenge, remember the words in the book are forever...

Hey, you can share it with us. Congratulations for sticking to your guns and not contacting her... .just one word from her could have torn you to shreds - don't expect her to be happy for you.  Just remember, the sweetest form of revenge is success.

What is your book about and why is there a section on her?

 I'd love to read it! pm  me if you feel uncomfortable with  sharing publicly. I  feel the need to write one myself,  but would have to heavily fictionalize it!  starting to outline my life story is a start... .

Heart and Whole,

I hear you!  You are correct of course.   I am going to change it so that it will be anonymous.   It DID feel good for the moment and that was enough for the time being.   

Congratulations, TakingWing!

I recently finished writing a book too, and signed a contract for publication at the same time. It's an academic book on my field of study, so don't look for it on any bestseller lists.

It nearly cost me my r/s with my uBPDh to refocus on the manuscript. I let it be known in mid-summer that I would not take any nonsense from him, and he was out the door. It's a long-distance/commuter marriage, so he is able to run and hide from me whenever he likes. I doubt he would have married me if this were not the case.

Finishing the book was bittersweet because, as you mention, without someone with whom to share it, it does feel a bit hollow. Perhaps by the time your book appears in print, the situation will be different! Another reason not to publish anything pertaining to the ex. Why publish something you would need to explain to your new love?

Yes, I second Aussie's motion that you excerpt from your out-takes about the ex on this Board. I debated whether to thank my H in the Acknowledgements of my book, then left it in "for old times sake." I figured I could omit it at the proofreading stage if necessary. Fortunately, the r/s has survived, at least until the next crisis.

Best wishes, and happy holidays, author.

AussieOxborn,

Thank you for asking.  The book is a quirky funny nutritional guideline called Smartest Loser.  The release date is Jul 8, 2014 as I was under contract for it.

The section about her was about eating certain foods that cause flatulence (farts).  My ex used to let 'em out under the blankets and I would jump out of bed it got to be so bad at times.  Not too good for sex either, to be sure!  As I said to Heart and Whole, I'll be changing the name more profoundly so that it won't be attributed to her.  But of course, some will know the truth about it.   :)

Do you recall the book/movie part about Minny Jackson (played by Octavia Spencer) in the book/movie "The Help" where she gives a pie to her ex boss, Hilly Holbrook (played by Bryce Dallas Howard) that was made of shizbah?   And then Hilly had to read about it in the book to find out it was made of shizbah!  One of the best scenes in the book and movie.   So, yeah, it kind of felt like that to put it in to my book.

But it's mean and I refuse to go down that path.  I was in an angry moment and it was there, so I wrote it.  Felt good at the moment, but long term would be beneath me to let it actually go to print.  

I hate taking the high road sometimes... .LOL

D

Thank you SweetCharlotte,

I don't think I'll be acknowledging the ex in this book.  She actively prevented me from getting it done. 

Your advice is good, of course!   No need to explain it to a new love interest!

Good luck on your publication.  I know it's a lot of work to get a book written, much less published.  Congratulations to you as well.  What is the academic field in?

D

The book is about nutrition rather than about my life living with a pwBPD/bipolar.  Although, I'm pretty sure that a book about that might be rather interesting.

I can safely say that if my life were made into a movie with all the mistakes and failures and successes and joys that it might make a good drama!   Heck, I even used to own a singing telegram company sometimes stripping down to heart-covered boxer shorts for Valentines Day.  Maybe book #2?  Would certainly be a cathartic... .

D

My book concerns international film studies.

Thanks!

My name, btw, comes from a classic film: _Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte_ is a 1960s variation on the theme of _Gaslight_, with Bette Davis as a woman driven to believe she is insane by her evil relatives.

Sadly, the more successful you are, the less she'll like you because you aren't as easy to control. All she wants is total control of you.

Congratulations on finishing your book. That's a big accomplishment. You should be proud of yourself.

C O N G R A T U L A T I O N S    T A K I N G W I N G A T L A S T !   |iiii            

We are VERY proud of you and hope that YOU are proud of YOURSELF! Great job!  |iiii

Interesting, SweetCharlotte!

Bette Davis was really good at being crazy wasn't she?  And I'm familiar with Gaslight.   What a strange movie that one was!

She's got Bette Davis Eyes!

D

Thank you all!  It's most appreciated!

D

Congrats TWAL and SC... .I am very happy for you guys (Second smile of the day, thanks.).  I'm in New England, the snow is falling, I lit my favorite candle and poured a glass of wine.  Cheers.

WOW!

You wrote a book amongst all the chaos!, I think id struggle to write a menu at this point!

Im so happy for you, what an accomplishment, congratz!

Dear bpdfamily

I cannot tell you how much this site has meant to me and my understanding of all the emotions that I've experienced after the breakup with the ex just 5 weeks ago.   Without your support and comments and posts and messages, I swear I would still yet be unable to sleep, unable to think, and unable to function.   Your stories and insights allowed me to process what was happening much faster than I would have on my own or even with a therapist.  Even my therapist has been well pleased with the rate of the progress.

I feel I was taken under wing and protected here.   You gave me a forum with which to vent my anger and frustrations.  And even my successes.   Your specific suggestions about detachment and how to do that well was inspiring.  And I took your ideas to heart and incorporated them into my actions.   Using limited contact as suggested here has resulted in decreased texts over time.   Instead of the usual two or three blasts of devaluing, I'm now only hearing from the ex once every two or three days. 

Your thoughts on how to grieve allowed me to be angry and depressed.  When I reached out here when I would be at my absolute lowest, someone lent a comment.  I still remember when I heard, "We got your back!"  And you did.  And it has meant everything.   I find that my comments often contain those same words as reaching out to you in your distress gave me the opportunity to support in turn.  To be the caregiver that I have always been without being taken advantage of ever.

So, I celebrate my success with you all.  I know I would not have been able to complete it without your support and kindness.  I am truly indebted to you all and to the site coordinators, ambassadors, and board members.

I still have plenty to journey on here so I'm not going away.  Still lots of work to be done. 

I am happier than I have been in years!  Even coworkers have commented that I'm lighter than they've seen me in years.

All my best!  Thank you for "having my back!"

D

another congratulations!  |iiii

i'm only 1/2 an author (i wrote the diss, but it never became a book ). i'm very jealous!

Congratulations, TakingWing!

wish you success!

That's awesome, D,  thanks for sharing,  congratulations and merry Christmas!

Well done you!What great news  :) :) :) :) NB.xxx

Wow, well done - all that in just five weeks of being here. That's remarkable and I'm glad to hear it.

I've been feeling the same way but it might be too early to declare the same thing just yet but I just wanted to share my session with my therapist yesterday.

I walk in to her office and she says, "What's been happening?" expecting to hear the latest drama. I said, "Nothing. I've got nothing to talk about so I figured seeing as you take so many notes, we can review them and you can do the talking for a change". She absolutely loved it!

I think I'm close and it wasn't just the therapy... .its BPD Family. So thanks to everyone for sharing.

What was your dissertation on, Maxen?

D