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The only rule I had in our relationship was no yelling and screaming at each other, anything was ok to talk about in a loving caring way. After the first time he got so mad at me when I was in the hospital over something dumb. Screaming and yelling in the hospital I told him to leave I didn't talk to him for over a week, then I took him back . He promised never to yell at me again well that lasted a few months then he got mad about me putting his keys and clothes I washed in a pile he  took it I was kicking him out ... .no just giving him back his stuff again screaming melt down another break up week back saying and crying I'll never do it again give me another chance I've changed, Now over the pass few months it like every 2 weeks. So this last time is the last time I will never take him back. I don't understand if someone loves me that much and he was told straight out you yell meltdown scream at me again you and I are done... .so not 2 days later he screams s nd yells over nothing. Did he not remember the deal we made 2 days ago? Looking back I should have never given him so many chances he just thought oh well she will take me back like she always does. Not this time!

I'm sorry you're going through that, it sounds painful.

I think in an intimate, passionate relationship emotions are strong and tempers flair sometimes, but whether our not things can get resolved is the real test.  I was apparently guilty of eating too many Doritos while we were watching a movie once, and she absolutely exploded in rage.  Sure, chomping chips in someone's ear while they're trying to watch a movie is irritating, but the amount of rage she hit me with was 5 times what would have been appropriate, and in shock I turned the movie off and tried to talk it out with her, but no way; it became clear that it wasn't about the chips, it was about a lot of dissatisfaction she couldn't openly talk to me about, along with the shame she felt after having an emotional outburst she couldn't control.

There's no way to have a relationship that is mutually beneficial with someone wired like that, no way to solve problems and move on.  Time for an upgrade.

Looking back I should have never given him so many chances he just thought oh well she will take me back like she always does.

-----yep-----

Boundaries can be really tough in these situations.  Sometimes they end up being like lines in sand... .keep getting pushed further from the original point.

They are really important coming out of the relationship too.  Just in case you get tempted with recycling.

Another important point about boundaries is that they are for you, not the other person. 

You can't control another's actions. We may not like it when someone crosses our boundaries but when they are crossed, you are the only one that can make the decision to hold that boundary. It's not up to the other person.

There are so many wonderful, loving people in the world who understand this concept and won't cross your boundaries. There are plenty of people out there that are compatible with you that you won't even have to ask to not yell and scream, they just won't.  With anyone. Ever.

You deserve someone like that.

Thanks for the pep talk. It hard to think that there may really maybe a great guy that would like to have just a normal fun easy going relationship. I am going to hold out for that special one. Going through the pass 3 years of hell at least I know what BPD looks like. Until then I'm going to enjoy the peace of no conflict. It's going to be a great Christmas.

|iiii

Nevertheless,

I am sorry you have been through a very tough 3 years.  The people here know exactly what that is like.  I am in a similar situation and your comment on enjoying peaceful holidays really resonates.  The stress and tension caused by my very soon to be ex-wife that had become a sad family tradition is gone and for the first time in memory we (me and my children) can focus on the many positives in our lives and treasuring the holidays, instead of them orbiting around her issues, temper and alcoholism.  I may be sleeping alone but it is peaceful and healthy!  Walking on eggshells in a minefield was no way to live.

I hope you enjoy a peaceful and happy holidays!

  Thanks for all the encouragement, when I get home from work, to a dark house it easy to remember the good times. Coming and looking at all the post on this board really does help to remember what I am not missing. Your right we all have to make new memories. Everyone hang in there I am sure it get easier.