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I feel like this could use a thread of its own, pulled this off the Circular Arguments thread.

Anyway, towards the end of r/s exactly this. I was a hollow shell of myself. The never ending wondering of what you would come home to is so damn demoralizing and degrading.

Can we take this topic off to any tangent? Good, i'll go first.

I never knew what I would come home to. The moods could be any of... .

Ignoring me

Hating me

Loving me

Angry

Distant

... .and you know the rest.

One day she complained that I had never come home from work, pressed her up against the kitchen bench, torn off her underwear off with my teeth, and given it to her "hard". So she demonstrated what she wanted, pressed me up against the kitchen bench, ripped my underwear off with her teeth and gave it to me hard. I mean real hard with animalistic desire. I was totally overwhelmed and somewhat shocked.

How could she expect me to display my wild desire for her when I didn't  know what i'd be coming home to?

Anyway, after a recycle I gave it to her "hard" so to speak.  I understood this to be what she considered desire for your other half.  Two years later when the splitting started, she used this as an example of how I abused her sexually and this would be something I would have to pay for.

But back to not knowing what you would come home to... .

Being self employed, everything relating to my business is on my laptop PC. I ALWAYS took it out of the house as I didn't know what I would come home to.  Since separation five months ago, I have only taken my laptop PC out of my new home just once. There is no reason for me to take it with me every time I leave the house any more. This might sound like a small thing but for me its a BIG THING not to carry my laptop with me every day.

This could become a thread of it's own.  My ex must have read 50 Shades of Grey when we were split up last January and February because when I got back with her she wanted a kinkier relationship sexually and even wanted to ask me permission before she went out with friends, permission on what to wear, etc.  Sorry if this is too much information but I am leading to something.  I played along and will even admit it made dealing with her much easier.  I have never been a controlling person but I did want to please her.  Now she is using that to indicate to people that I was severely controlling of her and a sexual predator.  Tangent over.  I feel for you Aussie

Nearing the end of the relationship even leaving the room could trigger something.  We would be having a wonderful night, I would go to the bathroom and come back and the entire energy of the room seemed to have changed and then began the process of trying to figure out what the hell had happened in the 3 minutes I was out of the room. 

Free game, post whatever eggshells.

Aussie thanks for responding. I'll have something to add.

wow... .this is crazy.  I do the EXACT same thing!  I'm so sick of carrying my laptop with me everywhere I go because I'm scared my stbxuBPDw is going to destroy it if I leave it at home. 

Eggshells... .Fearing my phone reception would go out and I would not get his email.  He would accuse me of not being there for him and ignore me for the rest of the day.

Also

Waking up and not knowing what mood I was in until I talked to him.

I dreaded coming home so much about a year ago, that I mulled over walking into the night with little clothing and dying of exposure. Later, it was the conversation about how our r/s wasn't working, she wasn't happy, and I had to do x, y, z to "make" her happy.

I stopped walking on eggshells and emotionally detached. So she went out with someone else.

ok I have two things that I don't miss on the topic of eggshells.  I don't miss walking in the door and having to look at her eyes and facial expression to see what I would be dealing with.  I knew within seconds if it was going to be a good evening or not.

I also don't miss having to carry my cell phone every where I go.  I was starting to feel like a crack addict with my phone.  When we were together I knew I had to respond back to a text pretty quick or I would catch hell.

I  once got into a car accident a mile from home because I  was ten minutes early getting home when I said I was going to be and I  was flustered by her text.  Yes, 10  mins  early and I wasn't home yet.

Almost every time I've had to make a decision for my son (she is step-mom), like signing him up for his first year of baseball, it caused a melt-down.  I won't miss that at all - that dread I would get when I knew he needed new shoes or pants or something. 

Or, like Tincup stated, not knowing who I was getting until I walked in the door that night... .I won't miss that crap at all!

Towards the end, I knew exactly what I was coming home to.  My fiancee in bed with my son.  Ignoring me, and then she would be gone before I woke up each and every morning. 

Threw me crumbs every now and then.  Few nights a month she would cook me dinner and leave in fridge.

That's about it though

Ugh. When my marriage started to go bad, about 11 months before we divorced, I would dread hearing the garage door opening. Shortly he would be inside my home.

What new insult would he have for me today. What new slight or interrogation or bad attitude would I have to deal with. I so badly just wanted him to leave me alone. I actually grew disgusted with him... .I was beginning to wake up from the romantic dream, that well, just wasn't true at all.

The day we went out looking for walking canes because he was so obviously trying to get me to feel sorry for him. The many times he "fell" down the stairs because his back was going out... .all bs. Just ploys for attention. Funny how it always came during times of stress. A complete hypochondriac. Crying poor all the time... .wanting and feeling entitled to my bonus money. That is not a man, that is a child.

I do not belong to him anymore, and truly, I never did. No one belongs to another. I am not your possession, I am not an object for you to ma%turbate in.

I am truly glad he is gone.