BPDFamily.com

This ones for the ladies... .but im sure you guys can relate... .

I read this in an earlier thread after a very bad day

This was my life for 8 years, Ive really been struggling these past few days,sad angry sad repeat... this article is a tangible explanation for whats been going on inside my head.

www.womansavers.com/articles-for-women/84.html

Gosh, it's just a script isn't it, that they all follow. I read pretty much every paragraph nodding my head in agreement.

Thanks for sharing, I'm glad I read that.

I could only read the top third. I feel ill.   Almost every word I could have written myself a few years ago.

Crazy making. Everything that was said I could relate to.

As Jbt857 states, a well rehearsed script for pwBPD, gathering more manipulative tools throughout each relationship.

The paragraph concerning how the previous ex wanted to warn the current partner of the nightmare ahead struck home with me. I recieved anonymous letters warning me of a torrid life ahead and that my ex would ruin my life... .how true the letters were, I should have listened,... .I wanted to warn the new guy but I resisted... .poor bloke.

 

Well that sounds pretty darn accurate.

Ditto.

But know what?  I am "special".  Not for my uexBPDbf, but for some other wonderful guy.  I just haven't found him yet.

I woke up missing him today.

After reading this I was reminded that "he" doesn't exist.

Thank you.

I'm a guy who can definitely relate to this.  Just change "he" to "she".

The new guy for mine deserves everything he's going to get.  he's already observed incidents of her anger,  and they've hardly spent time together, bwahaha!  Oh,  it will be fun watching that implode... .

Would it be a bad idea to send my x a copy of the article (anonymously), asking him to give it to my replacement?  There's no way he could be 100% sure its from me, if you know what I mean  .

How do you think that will go if your X  reads it?

That's funny for sure. But it would only be anonymous to him. You'd know you sent it. No contact is for you.

Oh, c'mon... .pls let me trigger him one final time.  I know he will read EVERY word.  Maybe it will be a "good trigger" and he'll finally stop projecting, and get himself the help he needs cuz that article is his bio in a "nut"shell (pardon the pun).

Okay, sorry.  I know I'm being silly.  But, on the other hand, am I?

I don't believe there would be anything wrong with it. Think about all they have done. Who knows maybe it could even help. Why should that kind of behavior be treated with kid gloves. I think you could be doing other people a huge favor in the future. Although it is wishful thinking that they would learn from it.

It's really now about anything that could hurt you more in my opinion.

I have sent an article once to the ex. It won't stop any of the dysfunctional behavior. Projection is a defense mechanism and your not going to wake him/her up to anything. It's tempting, I know, but futile.

The worst was her getting ready and dressed up for her dates for him when I would go and pick up the kids, starting at week 3 of separation.

She would wear her fancy dresses that we went to weddings with. By the time she left me, she wouldn't shower and looked disheveled when I got home from work.

She didn't care. I would have at least waited and then get dressed afterwards. Not rub it into someone's face.

That's BS, Mutt, I'm sorry. I'll probalby get something like that, too, I imagine. Did you ever call her out on that, or with the kids there, you couldn't, not that it would have resulted in anything fruitful anyway.

Mutt That's is so horrible. I would not be able to take that. Again sorry you have to witness that. She is dead wrong and a terrible person for putting you through that. Your right she is rubbing it in your face. She is obviously insecure. Try not to envy her. She can't be happy.

When I start to even think about what my ex could be doing with her I try to think about how unhappy and pathetic he is. I know because his happiness was never sustainable. Trying to make him happy was like pouring water through a sieve.

He will suffer the same fate... It's only a matter of when.

I agree Turkish and thanks. I never called her out on it. She doesn't care.

This started after I had a conversation with her outside of her place and got this in that conversation ( 3 weeks separation)

"me and the replacement were friends. now we sleep together, so we're now boyfriend/girlfriend" Ughh.

It was the coldest, most painful thing that I have heard from my wife.

This is one of two reasons I don't go to the door to pick up the kids anymore. They come out and meet me at the corner because I can't stand to look at her getting ready for replacement.

It's too hard.

Kids with this person or no, I think I'd say (I'm speaking for myself), "do you even have a soul, or just a vast emptiness at you core?"

It's entitlement at the core I think.

I chose not to say anything to her because I believe in karma.

Me, too. The problem with mine is that she takes that from me, too, having said that karma will get back at her for this, and that she "knows what's coming for her." And I have to pick up the pieces due to our kids!

Well, there's always Judgement Day... .The one in Revelation, or the one with the Terminators, whichever... .

lol But seriously, I think mine is in that already. What drives her? Fear of abandonment. Fear of intimacy. Feeling out of control. Shame/guilt. Not having a sense of self. Sounds like a living hell to me.

I don't want to sound pompous, but she lost the best man she'll ever have. I'm a kind, compassionate, patient and gentle man with strong morale's and values. She left that for a man that has no morale's or values and is a much lesser man than me IMO. A downgrade.

She's getting what she deserves, that's a bit of karma at work there I think.

Even if the next host is a healthy person there is no vaccine for the parasitic organism. PwBPD will always be pwBPD. He will be he. She will be she. We all have to be who we are no one can escape themselves. Will a better person be destroyed? More like it.

Me too, Mutt. My T even said it was ok for me to look her in the eye and say, "I'm the best thing you've ever had, X, and that'll ever happen to you." Friends on my side were like, "wth is wrong with her, you're great!"

But something like my mom used to say to me as a kid, "they don't get the REAL you! They don't know!"

I thought about her new idiot, and thinking back to the two idiots before me (which covers almost a decade going back, since we were together 6 years), she's basically attracted to immature, man-boy narcissists. Awesome. Great dudes. Hope she has fun!

I saw a pic of her new guy on the skype, along with his stupid mug and some stupider quote. Self-indulgent, making himself out to be smarter than he is, and immature. Embarrassing... .(and she sometimes got mad because of the way I ate?) Nice catch there!

I think and I could be wrong because I don't know what your current situation is like, but we don't live together anymore. After 8 years of trying to reason logic with her and having everything thrown back at me. I just don't care anymore. I give up. I'm done saying anything to her anymore because nothing gets through to her. What's the point? It's like talking to a wall... .that projects back.

I sense that mine had more than one after the cat was out of the bag with the one that I know of, but I will never know the truth.

It's a deep hurt. I know it, but I don't know if it's a deeper hurt because you know about more cheating partners and I wouldn't want to go through that.

I can't say that I can empathize, but you definitely have my sympathy.

This helped me SO much, to detach and depersonalize the situation!  Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Your welcome recycledNOmore. I remember my sister and my brother-in-law saw the replacement at an outlet with my wife a few months back. I'll never forget my BIL's  comment about my replacement.


I know that hurt and those moments where I thought that maybe I wasn't good enough? Maybe the new bf/gf is better than me? I screwed up, I should have been more attentive.

HOGWASH!

That article helped me get through those moments of self-doubt and I snapped back into focus.

Take or leave it. It may be crass to some. It helped me. I can honestly say my replacement is but a fraction of the person that I am. He thankfully took a HUGE problem off my hands.

All that I have with my wife is my kids. I focus on them. I don't poison them with anger about my wife or their mom. I'm their safety net. I'm just glad that I'm there for them.

It's my wife's loss and his loss too. Not mine. He thought he was rescuing an abused wife.

He has no idea what's in store for him.

Fantastic article that sums up what we've all experienced. 

Didn't we all?  I distinctly remember almost 25 years ago when I met my exwBPD and how she demonized her soon to be exh (her 1st.  I'm exH #2) and how that brought out the "savior" complex in me.   

I'm absolutely certain she did the same to me with my replacement.  All lies and BS as I gave her everything I could to make her happy and have the nuclear family dream, which ironically imploded because of her, like a nuclear bomb going off.

Then about a year ago her now new Mr. Wonderful (H#3) posted on his FB page "I'm the LUCKIEST MAN ALIVE"

ROFL!    That's what YOU think buddy!   HAHAHAHA

The true "luckiest man alive" was exH#1.  He got out when he was still young (27) and they didn't have any kids together.  I'm "luckiest man alive"  #2 because I have two of the best kids anyone could ever hope for and I got uncontested sole custody at the divorce.

H#3 based his statement on getting her     and what money came along with her. 

heh-heh-heh   Money can't buy happiness couldn't BE more true in this case.

I'm celebrating Christmas with my kids and she has Mr. Wonderful.   

I WIN!     :)

First marriages = 60% chance of divorce.

Second marriages = 70% chance of divorce.

Third and fourth and beyond? 800 -100% chance of divorce.

BPD marriages? I'm guessing, but I'm gonna say 95% chance of divorce.

Mrs. A #4 doesn't have a chance in hades.

Listen, the replacements don't have a chance. And the replacements think they are rescuing our exes. Good luck to them.

They'll need it. Chances are they are going to have to rescue themselves, in the end.

Just like we did.

L