BPDFamily.com

I am at a loss today - this morning is probably the first day from all the ups and downs, fights etc with my BPD gf, that my exhaustion is finally rearing it's ugly head.

The only way I can think to describe the situation is "hey, I know your obviously upset and you just found out your grandpa is on his death bed, but wait a minute while I lecture/yell @ you about the art of doing laundry and how you f*** it up".

That's the short story and I am tired. It takes so much energy to constantly be mindful of every little thing. I bust my balls and rarely get a thank you or even an appreciative nod. It seems like she is always mad at me for something I've said or did or screwed up.

Her anger towards me has turned to physical abuse. Every time, regardless of physical aspect being present or not, I excuse her behavior and tell myself that she only responds this way because of her BPD/PTSD. I don't have the energy to go home and fight with her today. I don't know what to say to her. I am at the point that when she does start to yell, I shake, my hands visibly shake.

I locked myself in the bathroom and cried myself to sleep last night and her only concern was/is her ruined article of clothing, that we never had a consveration about the do's and don't with it... Even this morning, I msg'ed her to see how she was feeling and her response was that she has nothing to say to me. fml

idk... .dying family member vs. a ruined piece of clothing. I know which one would take priority in my world.

I am so very sorry to hear about your grandpa   

From what I see, I think she is unable to process something as big as death and couldn't possibly provide support, so she just blocks it out and the world is perfectly normal. My pwBPD would often yell at me more or ignore me entirely when I'm having a bad time, as if it was a complete lack of empathy but it isn't, it's just that they can't handle said empathy.

I'm really sorry it's so difficult right now, try to talk all the things that concern you with people who are able to provide support and try to isolate her reactions as that of what she considers the normal world, not because or despite your current emotional situation, just as if it was another universe entirely.

Stay strong, all the best wishes   

hi blondie. what you're being put through is callous and horrible and i'm sorry for that and for your grandfather's situation. also for the physical abuse: don't excuse that. my w did things that were physically endangering to me and i let them pass each time and i should have drawn the line right there.

so that you know you're not alone, i have a story:


this past may my mother had her 100th birthday. i warned my w, more than once and well ahead of time, that this would be a stressful time and that as soon as it was over i'd loosen up again. all i wanted was for her to let me be if i needed it: no special treatment or help or anything. so we have the gathering and it went well and two days later i get an email: "i'm sorry you have depression but i don't think you like me very much." an email! and a month later she announces that she's been seeing someone behind my back and walks out. my marriage ended in one hour.

yes, their worlds really do revolve around them.

oh yea, there is NO room for anyone else in their universe but themselves. When my niece was born still at 33 weeks this summer, I got the phone call from my hysterical parents that my sister was about to deliver the corpse of the baby we'd be shopping and preparing for. I dropped the phone, my head into my hands, and sobbed. You know what my UBPDh said to me? "You are such a drama queen. You want all the attention on yourself. Look at you! It's not a big deal, it happens all the time. GET OVER IT!"

For people to have empathy they have to be able to love themselves and to love you. It is my belief that many BPDs are incapable of the type of selfless love that reciprocal relationships require. That may SAY they love you, they may even FEEL they love you when you are filling one of their needs. But love, as we experience it, doesn't exist for them.

I am so so sorry about your Grandfather, and that your relationship ended in such a snap, painful manner. Remember - you didn't do anything to deserve it. You didn't make her ill, and you could not heal her.   Hang in there