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Title: Confused Post by: damage control on December 20, 2013, 07:59:02 PM I am posting here for the first time - I usually post on the 'leaving' board for those of you who don't know me - but, it has been suggested that this might also be a good place for me because I am still living with my ex of 7 weeks - different rooms, we are in a sharehouse.
Things have been confusing and complicated between us almost since just a few days after the split. He has been solicitous of my friendship all along but this has increased in both time and intensity for the past week/10 days. As far as I know, he is still seeing my replacement (he went on a first date with her the night he dumped me and stays at her house 2/3 weekends) ... He also has an addiction (and i mean addiction) to trawling internet dating sites and he has not been on one for over a week ... something is up with him and the behaviour exhibited over the last 48 hours in particular is completely bewildering. When we split, he told me that he no longer desired me - and that he always does this ... has an anxiety attack (I triggered him bigtime) or 12 and these 'burn out' his emotions. So, while he has been friendly, the sexual element has been almost non-existent (the first few weeks he would walk about naked/shower in front of me etc) ... We do currently have a common foe in the psycho who we share with - and he is contact often about this ... so, I am not sure if I am imagining things or if something has shifted. This is my post about last night ... . https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=215851.0 Title: Re: Confused Post by: patientandclear on December 22, 2013, 03:04:28 AM DC, just bumping your post because I'd like it if you got some good advice! (And I'd like to borrow it!)
P.S. I just posted my latest chapter on Staying because more folks on that board are familiar with the background of my own weird limbo situation. Title: Re: Confused Post by: damage control on December 22, 2013, 07:06:02 AM :) @ P+C
Things have gotten way out of control here with the psycho housemate (not the ex) ... I ended up sleeping in the ex's bed last night and we have pretty much been bailed up in his room since he got home yesterday ... I left early this morning to come back to my room, fell asleep but he woke me a couple of hours later to make us some breakfast and we have hung out all day/night again. It's midnight now + I am in my own room/bed because the psycho housemate and his GF are in bed and it seems to be relatively safe for me to be in here. Last night/yesterday while lying on the ex's bed watching films, we were lying arms next to each other, touching when we talked etc ... but, as stated, there is nothing really sexual happening (in fact, the subject of impotency came up when we were joking around about something on that happened in a film ... and he stated point blank that he is currently completely impotent ... I don't know what to make of that given that he spent 2 nights with the replacement just a week ago) ... . I am going to read your post P+C ... my troubles in this house have escalated beyond boiling point so my stress levels are crazy high ... I have been told I have to be out in 14 days due to bringing my dog here (even though they told me it ws fine to do so about a month ago) ... luckily, the ex was there when the psycho and his GF came at me and the ex stood in between them and me and stuck up for me and then insisted I stay in his room so that they couldn't yell at me again ... .now, he is also being evicted ... .when he asked why they are blaming my dog on him also ... I apologised to him but he said that it is not my fault/nothing to do with me ... The other couple that live out the back want to get out of here as well and today, they asked if 'we' (ex and me) want to move out with them ... .the psycho couple are also talking about 'you guys' when referring to the ex and me ... everyone is assuming or acting like he and I are a couple ... which we aren't ... .but we have really been thrown together now in this crazy situation. The ex expressed concern that he is going away on Dec 26th for 3 days and says he is worried about leaving me here ("I worry about what is going to happen to you" ... but the way he said it ... I don't know ... there was a definite 'friendship-only' aspect to it ... If people keep making comments about him and me it is going to trigger him ... in fact, I think may have already done that a bit - the couple down the back just told us that they have bought 'us' (him and me) a gift for xmas - not one for me and one for him, but a combined gift ... this will probably freak him out. Title: Re: Confused Post by: patientandclear on December 22, 2013, 11:48:59 AM Unusual triangle! You're the victim, he's the rescuer. It makes it easy for him to achieve closeness -- there's an external reason for it he can point to (psycho HM).
Title: Re: Confused Post by: necchi on December 22, 2013, 11:30:46 PM Ohw! Damage, I was roaming around and found you here... .read your post and feel sad for you dear. Come on, take my hand I think you got lost... .let me bring you back home to the leaving board... .
Title: Re: Confused Post by: damage control on December 23, 2013, 07:09:39 AM marinro7 ... that is so sweet ... you made me smile ... thank you for that :)
I DO feel lost here ... I feel like 'staying' has been taken out of my hands/control at the moment ... Title: Re: Confused Post by: necchi on December 23, 2013, 04:55:32 PM I know your situation is confusing,and I understand being "still" in your life right now, wish I could accommodate you this moment so you could get on and stop being emotionally enmeshed like you seem
Title: Re: Confused Post by: damage control on December 23, 2013, 05:10:20 PM Thank you marinro7
This past few days has made that enmeshment even worse. The people we share with have lost the plot because my dog flew in last week and the ex and I have been thrown together because of the insanity that is the other housemates. I spent pretty much 24/7 with the ex since Friday night ... This has just made everything worse. We have spent all this time together, he has been protecting me from a raging French lunatic etc ... but today, he goes away for his Xmas vacation for 4/5 days ... he needs to get away - I get that, I kinda need to get away myself ... but, even though we slept in the same bed, went Xmas shopping together, hung out watching films and cooked/ate every meal together ... no sex at all ... just more emotional engagement for me to wallow in. I am going to be homeless in 10 days ... cannot leave my dog as she is being threatened so, cannot look at houses, cannot go to work ... my head is about to explode. |