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I was wondering if this has happened to any of you?

My name change at work finally went though, back to my former name a couple of weeks ago.

Since then, people have been calling me because I am not appearing in their sametime (like windows messenger). I explain that my name has changed, and to re add me to their contact lists.

So now they know I am divorced from xwBPD.

A woman I have known for years came to me, said "L - I wanted to say something to you before you married, but it was not my place. I knew your x, and honestly, my husband and I thought he was crazy and was hoping that perhaps he had changed when we heard you had married.". I asked her to explain, and she went into detail about my x having a mirror at his desk and checking his hair all day long, the OCD, his need for constant positive affirmation about his work product, a fight they witnessed between my x and his former wife... how scary he was and controlling. I nearly fell out of my chair.

Woman #2, who I had also known for years came to me and said that she was glad I was out. I, of course, asked her why. She said she had heard my x, screaming at his previous x on the telephone... .raging out of control AT WORK. She then said he had no work ethic... .I was floored again.

Woman #3, a very good friend who knows both of us said recently... ."L I hoped that you would be able to stand up to his BS... but instead I saw you becoming a shadow of the woman you were". I asked her why she never told me about who he really was... .and she said that he seemed so in love with me, that perhaps he had changed and would value me as a person.

Man#1 worked with my xhwBPD. He flat out said ... ."Your x was a goofball. Immature. Going through hell with his prevous x wife and taking it out on everyone around him. You had a lucky escape, whether you realized it or not, and I didn't say anything to you because I saw how happy you were, and I'm sorry I didn't."

Wow all... just wow.

The things I ignored because I was in "love".

Have you had any validation from others outside of your BPD relationship?

L

I observed during my 3 year relationship something I knew all along was a huge  red-flag.

All those who'd known my ex for any period longer than a year, didn't think much of her. Some told me (during off periods between recycles), and others didn't but their behaviour towards her made it obvious to me, if not her!

Those that had known her for 6 months or less thought she was the second coming (especially men)!

I've never known anyone who's 'shop' is totally empty, but has the best window display in town!

hey moonie-

Did yours have any friends?

Mine only had one. And that friend he rarely saw outside of work. Called him his best friend though.

L

Mine has friends at a distance. Her BFF from high school lives not two miles from us and they hardly ever talk or see each other. She has other good friends she met through her work years ago, still talks to them, but they moved far away years ago. Her one male friend (gay)  she is close to... .now and then, but he is severly disordered as well, though high functioning most of the time.

I should have taken it as a major red flag when she told me about her bf two years previous to me (this guy was the Love of her Life) and that his friends never liked her. Being dumb, I never asked why she thought that.

My best friend's wife recently told me that she didn't like my X from the very first moment she met her. She used to ruminate on why, since the wife is the kind of person who pretty much likes everybody. It kind of drove her crazy for a while, but she could see I was happy (mostly), and that we started a little family, she she kept her mouth shut. I always knew she didn't like my X, and so did my X. Nothing was said outright, but it was just that feeling. Another friend of mine also said that he didn't like her from the beginning. Unfortunately for me, two other close friends of mine (the husband of the wife), and another liked my X. So I figured, "well, not everybody likes everybody, I'll take what I can get."

She has only two or three "friends", and she rarely see's them. I started thinking she just uses these women when she's needing something they can offer.

She boasts about how well she gets on with men & male friends. Only to devalue this statement with "why is it a men can't have a female friend without wanting to f**k her?"

I tried once pointing out "Any 'male friend' who's friendship is mainly motivated by seeking a ride on you, is no friend at all! A male that buys you a drink, asks how you're doin  & doesn't want to ride you is a friend! So do you still think you have lots of true male friends?"

The room filled with deafening absolute silence!

I know some friends have said things to me in the past. I can't remember exactly what they were. I feel bad for them now. How brave they had to have been to say something they knew I did not want to hear, and I just ignored it. I even ignored my own words during a breakup in the middle. I found out through a middle man that my mom is not terribly fond of her. I don't if she feels that way all the time or not, but it makes sense since my mood has gotten progressively worse since I have known my uBPDgf.