BPDFamily.com

I just need to vent here.

He has no respect for me. He has treated me with astonishing brutality. He abandoned me pregnant because he thought I might be 'lying' or 'planning to manipulate him'. (In fact it was because he was living with another woman, and too ashamed and scared to contact me). He takes  no responsibility for any of it. He has called me a psycho, a bhit, a 'capitalist'   , a whore, a liar, a fake, and all the rest. He continued with this even after I found out that he had begun cheating on me with someone 'who wasn't his girlfriend' 2 weeks after the best holiday we ever had (paid for by me   )

He has been in every way an utter utter  ass. And he still believes that I am 'at least partly responsible' for what he did (and this is in yet another idealisation cycle when he is trying to win me back   )

So why do I still miss him and want him. Why do I long for him sexually. Why is it threatening the chances of my new relationship or any others  that may come.

Sometimes I wonder if he will ever leave the mind and heart he has ripped to pieces.

I'm afraid I can't give you any advice right now as I am in a very similar position. But know you're not alone.

Because he filled a need in you, a need you didn't even realize you had.

In the beginning, he made you feel safe, and oh so loved. What you didn't know, is that this is how he pulls all of his victims in. He's good at it, practice has made perfect. You trusted him completely.

And when he started to show you who he truly was, you denied it to yourself. You were shocked and couldn't believe this was the same person you fell in love with. You denied, tried to fix, blamed stress... whatever it took.

And then you hit on the realization, you don't know who he is.

And either you or he left, because it was all too painful to bear. And you knew, deep down, that there was something very, very wrong with him.

He blames you. He always will.

You can't forget him because on some level you believe the things he has said about you. I know I did. And I was called the same names that you were. But honestly, you are not those things.

It's time to break free. You can do this, you've just forgotten what it feel like to be in charge of your own destiny. It is still there waiting for you to grab it again.

L

The worst is littleopener that I have a nice new boyfriend- he is not perfect but he is 10x the human being ex was- sex is good etc, all nice.

But I  miss ex so much and the total passion I felt for him and let's be honest, still feel.

I can never go back to him. He treated me like worse  than crap.

I just hope I won't miss him forever. That this sick abusive person won't end up being the big lost love of my life.  

love4me, you were called the same names 

It felt so personal and yes I believed a lot of it could be or must be true. By the end I felt he'd broken me. Ididn't even know  then, that he was cheating.

The last time I  saw him he slapped my face in the street and kicked my suitcase.

But still all I can remember is making love to  him and how incredible it was. I really kind of worshipped him. And he is a hollow little boy inside.

I want to burn out all the cells in my brain that still remember him!  :'(

Again, similar here. I've met a guy who treats me like a goddess, who I have actually told all about my ex and who seems to understand and is patient with me because he is willing to wait and fight for me. Perfect. Except I can't get my ex out of my head. I have never felt so attracted to anyone physically and mentally. And I also can't get over the way he broke me, so I feel like I don't deserve this new guy... .

Delusion, I hear you  

You mention you were with someone thought your head is with someone else. What are your true feelings him, and is towards you ?

He was talking about himself. Not particularly attractive I must say.


Not certain what is attractive about an abusive PD'd twit that emotes at the level of a 4-7 year old? Look at it that way and it may shift your perspective to something more realistic and less "dreamy."

Apparently at the 3 month mark or so the oxytocin induced chemical bonding wanes as well. 


Doubt it. You will look back and wonder what the heck were you thinking? lol

Delusionalxox... .  I could have written your post here... .I've been working on myself for a year since I figured out what was really going on with my ex and I suppose the fact that I still haven't totally figured out how to stop this hideous merry go round I am keeping myself stuck in the same place of missing him... .missing what I truly question myself.

I work with the guy.  No contact is nearly impossible.   That is the real factor keeping the ending from occurring.   Or at least a big factor.  But we mostly barely talk and its mostly AWFUL. 

I am aware that its not even him... .in my case what pulls at my heart is a man I miss that he simply is not capable of sustaining.  It blows.  Bpd really blows... .