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Title: Ruminating- Am I just replacing her Post by: gman29 on December 23, 2013, 01:58:59 AM It's been 7 months since my uexBPDgf left me for another guy. I was with her for almost (on and off) 4 years and I'm only 22, so a lot of my memories relate back to her.
Just recently I started seeing another girl whose been very understanding of my situation. However, i often catch myself thinking about how similar she is to my ex, when i'm kissing her i start to get reminded about similar situations with my ex and I think about how her physical features like her hair, skin tone, eye color all remind me of my ex. Has anyone experienced similar situations? It's almost like i'm trying to recreate the emotional highs I experienced with my ex. I know it takes time to heal detaching from these BPD relationship wounds, but I still ruminate about her everyday and i just want to be able to move on with life without all these thoughts popping up. Title: Re: Ruminating- Am I just replacing her Post by: Learning_curve74 on December 23, 2013, 02:36:32 AM Hi gman29, I think if you read enough threads here that you'll find a lot of people find themselves playing the comparison game like you are. So it sounds reasonable that you are having some issues about that. And you are insightful to understand that a lot of your life has passed while involved with your uexBPDgf, so it's natural she fills up a lot of space in your memories.
As far as "replacing" her, that might not be the best way to approach thinking about it. Maybe a pwBPD utilizes replacements as nons tend to be soothing tools for them. If you can find yourself appreciating this new girl for who she is, and she is different by light of the fact we are all unique, then you won't be "replacing" but actually "growing" a new relationship. When you talk about physical characteristics, it's also not unusual for many people to go for a certain "type" or "look" in partners. So it's normal to date partners who are similar in looks. While it sounds like it's addressing a totally different aspect, I think utilizing mindfulness can help deal with ruminating. Check these links out: TOOLS: DBT for Non Borderlines- Mindfulness (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=64749.0) Practicing mindfulness--how do you do it? (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=111031.0) |