BPDFamily.com

Is it possible to have a family of BPD's? Is it me? I cant get out of this funk. Hoping Christmas is over soon.  I dont want to celebrate anymore of these holidays.  Anyone else feel the same way?

I don't think you're a pwBPD.  If you were, you wouldn't be in holiday funk state of mind.  You'd be out there having fun with your new victim right now.  But yes, I can relate to how you feel.  My stbx has managed to sabotage every holiday for the last two years.  I've never had a Christmas with her; she always bailed right after or during Thanksgiving only to return a few days before New Years Eve.  Now, it's like the holidays have this BPD stigma/cloud/bleh! written all over it.  I'm ready to start a new year without her. 

Yes.  My x,  her older brother probably,  her father  possibly.  codependent mother.  it is horrible to feel like others ruin a  holiday. I  hope this is the last times one for me. I  feel the funk coming on all of s sudden too. hang in there... .

Holidays can be soo rough - especially of you are dealing with an attachment disorder or emotional instability.  it can have a huge effect on others and the family.

Yes BPD can run in families.  The newest research is showing agenetic predispositions to emotional sensitivity and environmental factors playing a significant role in triggering the disorder.  :)r. Bowens talked about family systems were some children become more differentiated from their parents while others follow the history a little more.  It really depends on the individual.

Some of the things during the holidays that could help are learning about boundaries and validation.  They can help give you some emotional space to breathe.

Do you have other support during this time?  Friends or relatives that are pretty stable to hang around with? ( I personally find those folks when my father isn't doing so hot)

This is interesting... .and I see it in My X's family. Knowing the history she told me, now in retrospect, I realize this may go all the way back to her father's mother (a stunning case of changing identities enmeshed with codependency if I ever saw one). Her eldest brother, mid 30s and still living at home, I am sure has BPD, too, to a greater degree. Father, likely; grandmother, likely as well. Possibly one of her uncles. Her younger sister has some traits, but possibly not the full blown disorder.

https://www.thebowencenter.org/pages/conceptmtp.html

Crying is such a release for me and think has kept me sane ~ even though I have been doing it soo much over the last several months. If I handled the hurt and pain some other way (like with retaliation and anger), who knows what I would be doing!

I do hope you get some relief in between crying sessions. Take good care of yourself and know it's normal when dealing with a lot of hurt. 

Deb13... .your not alone.  We are all crying, crying and crying.  Stay on the board.  I'm new too and our friends here are been my life line... .I kid you not.  This is the worst time of year for all of us right now.   

I'm not sure this is going to make you feel any better, but I cried for about 3 minutes just an hour ago.

Now I'm typing on here and offering you my shoulder to cry on if you need it. :)

My exhwBPD is one of three siblings.

Ex is borderline - the oldest child

His sister is anorexic - the middle child

His brother is an alcoholic / drug addict / formerly in jail for about 6 years = youngest

His mom? From her instability and attention seeking behaviors I would say she's BPD too. Or at least has all the hallmarks.

No one in his small family escaped some sort of mental disorder.

Took me awhile to figure all this out, since my ex didn't tell me a lot of things about his family until we were married.

L

I am late here.

So sorry to hear your sadness and loneliness. 

How are you today?

Hi Deb13 and  *welcome*

Holidays can be pretty rough when you are dealing with loved ones with BPD.  One of the "crazy" aspects which always upset me was the (BPD) expectation that all parties involved needed to live up to the pictorial holiday spirit regardless of how one actually felt; this is a kind of a major exhibit of invalidation.  Of course, they were always exempted of this expectation.

For example, you're feeling depressed and now your BPD loved one is upset at you because you're not being ... .whatever it is they want you to be during this "special" occasion.  Or even worse, they then proceed to act out because the holidays are not turning out the way they had wanted or planned it to.  And suddenly you find yourself in the position of consoling when it was you who were depressed in the first place.

Holidays can be a special occasion.  But they are not an occasion when you need to censor yourself if your emotional state is not matching other people's expectation.  I would certainly feel depressed if I couldn't express how I honestly felt to a loved one.  I'd want to be in an actual loving relationship not one that only had the artificial appearance of a loving relationship.

It's ok to be lonely and depressed on the holidays.  Find ways to take care of yourself and your feelings, especially if those who reportedly love are unable or unwilling to do so. 

Best wishes, Schwing